I'm here

I took a much needed few days off.  I had a lovely talk with the nicest woman (I won't mention her name without her permission).  She had a transplant in 1998 if I remember dates correctly?
It was wonderful to hear her speak about the surgery, the recovery and the ongoing battle with infections of all kinds and her struggles with the immunosuppresants. 
But, as she said... "I am still here, I am oxygen free and I am living".  That about says it all.
Another woman called me, come to think about it strangely enough from the same state and live not far from each other.  She hasn't had a transplant yet, but is on the list waiting.
It set my mind at ease to hear actual human beings talk about transplant, rather than read it on some web-site or some hospitals postings.  It also made it much more real.
Both of the women said to try not to think about it.  It can be a long road and patience is necessary.  Well, I need to take a class on that, because it is not one of my best attributes.
I spoke with my Pulmonolgist's nurse last week and she said that once she gets things going she will call me and let me know.  So, it really is out of my hands and now I wait to get on a list that I will wait some more. 
I feel like I have all this time that I could be doing something?   Packing things in boxes so when we leave we can either rent this house or move in Brittney.  Either way... we will need to pack our things.  Some to take with us.. some to store.  I have been going through small places and throwing things out and organizing others. 
I am trying also to tie up loose ends.  I am not thinking morbidly... only realistically.  I have yet to do the advanced directive or will.  Even though I blogged about it somewhere here... and expressed the importance of having such things!  Ugh... I am not good at taking my own advice either.
This recipe book that I started I am almost done with.  Once I finish I will post a link here and you can order a copy if you want.  It will have most of these recipes along with many more from my family.  I was surprised how cheap only 35.00 for the book.  Printed, using my own pictures, pages that you an add to and remove to use in the kitchen.  Very nice.  It is actually 35$ for 100 pages, I have 74 pages and one dedication page to my mom.  So, I can over time add 25 more pages to this book for free.
Anyway... I thought that was one thing I could get done that I wouldn't want to drag a large box of family pictures and recipes along with me. 
I was talking to my brother last night (love him and he calms me down) and he said if we are taking the dogs (which Bill won't move without) we may be asking for trouble.  Only because we would then have to find somewhere to rent that allows dogs and has an elevator or ground floor apartment so I can get in and out easily.  Didn't even think about that.  I would have been on the 10th floor and walked down to go shopping and wouldn't be able to get back UP to my own apartment.  LOL
I have had a few outbursts at Bill and Britt.  Just moody, snotty behavior of which I should be ashamed.  One day poor Bill got it with both guns. 
I was trying to snap him into reality and trying to making him talk to me about this transplant business.  He will talk to his friends, our kids, my brothers but not me.  He said he was afraid.  I tried to explain that is to be expected and we can be afraid together, but I need to be able to talk to him.  I need to be able to know he understands what is in store for us.  He just shuts down, which I find to be the most frustrating. 
Anyway... I am working on my moods.  The last 2 days are much better. 
I just didn't want you all to think I had vanished.  I just needed a few days of down time. 
Before I get off the computer I forgot to mention the hospital called me and my thyroid biopsy is scheduled for the 20th.  Now, I am off to bed.