Walking into a new and brighter life.

Walking into a new and brighter life.

The healthy me

The healthy me

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This I know.................

This I know.................

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Haunted Houses and Cake Walks

Today I did very little.  I did dishes and mad the bed.  Then I sat.
Britt came over this afternoon and took me to Fred Meyer to do a little shopping then dropped me off at home to rest for a  while.

We went to Layla's Fall Carnival at her school tonight.  Britt was volunteering so Bill and I took Layla around for all the activities.  She threw bean bags through a jack-o-lantern and won bubble gum and chocolate.  We went to the cake walk and Layla won... only she won all things berry and Britt has allergies to all berries, so the teacher swapped a pumpkin pie and a brownie mix, which made them both happy.  We ate hot dogs that were icky, we had snow cones, Layla had cotton candy, and we went through a room called the haunted house.
Layla bounced in the bouncy house and then her and I had our picture taken sitting on bales of hay for the year book.

We asked Becky (one of Brittney's friends ... .like a daughter to me) to babysit Priscilla while we were gone.  We just aren't sure of what she will do if left alone.  She gets into plenty of trouble when we are home to tell her no.

Now I am going to put my pajama's on... get some tea and take my meds, grab Priscilla and off to bed.  I am hoping that tomorrow I will feel a lot better.  I am hoping this pain will be all the way gone and not in the background reminding me to watch every move I make.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Chest pain

Bill and I took Priscilla for a walk at Steens Sports Park.  I think we walked about a mile and a half.  I jumped on the trampoline this morning also... 15 minutes.

When we got home I began to have that familiar pain in my chest.  Not sure if it's heart... not sure if it's lung.  I took the "medicine cocktail" they prescribed for me and went to bed.  I slept about 3 hours, woke up and ate dinner and still have it.  It is no better or no worse.. .just this constant pain that comes with every breath.

It could have been brought on by the cold breeze in my face, I don't know?  I consider myself a strong person.  I have never been a complainer and can tolerate pain...
But when this pain comes on I just want to go to the hospital and be put on pain meds and fluids until it goes away.  I want to be DRUGGED.  I don't want to feel this.  Does that make me a hypochondriac or a weirdo for wanting to hang out at the hospital?

Well... I am grinning and bearing it.  I will go medicate myself again and go to bed and hope I can sleep through the night.

More tomorrow.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Weight Loss, Pilgrams and walnuts

Today was weigh in.  I lost another 2.4 pounds, bringing the total (this time) to 7 pounds.  Officially I am at 194.  Last year (I can't remember the month) I started out at 224+.  So, I'll take where I have come to.  I still have small goals set and high hopes to get there.  My first goal is to get to 170.  I hope to do that by the first of the year.  I am not setting an ultimate goal.  I will leave that to how I am feeling, and what I can manage.  Don't forget that having my exercise ability limited sometimes makes it hard to post good loses.

I did not walk today.  I walked yesterday with Kathie and we had a nice walk and a great visit.  I am remembering how effortless it is to be with her.  There aren't many women I feel that way about (in person).  It has been my experience that women are catty and judgmental and not nice.  Terrible isn't it.

I don't feel any of that with Kathie.  I used to feel she was wiser and more intelligent than I was.  More capable maybe??  This time around, maybe because of my illness... I just feel like me.  I am no worse, no better than anyone else.  I am just me.  People will either take me for that or walk away.  I have been so judged that anyone who is at ease with me makes me happy.

I came home from walking and made re fried beans and carni asada for dinner.  I actually had energy left.

Today I went to Weight Watchers which every Tuesday takes about 2 hours.  Then, I came home and jumped on the trampoline.  I had no energy today at all.  I honestly can't remember doing anything.  I went and picked up Layla and she was here for a few hours until Fernando came to get her.  Brittney is studying for her mid-terms and so I told her this week I would help out with the child.

Bill and Layla were back out today picking up walnuts.  We are going to have truck loads this year!  I will freeze most of them and give away a few.  We ran out last year and I had forgotten how expensive they are until you go to buy a bag of stale walnuts for $8:00.

Here is the haul so far and we have given 2 small grocery bags full to our neighbors.
Priscilla trying to will Layla to hand over the bacon and eggs.  LoL

My Pilgrim's.  They were actually moms and I wouldn't miss the chance to use them, she would like that.  

I have had a touch of the stomach flu this week.  Crazy!!!  Each one of my meds causes constipation so having diarrhea for more than a day or two is so unusual for me.  I am still taking my laxatives only because I am so afraid to get plugged up again.  That is SO miserable!  So... I am up at night often.  I know it's silly, but I won't quit taking my laxatives only because I know the alternative.

I think the time of year has come where I won't be doing much walking outside.  Yesterday when we were walking it was chilly and a brisk breeze was blowing in my face.  That makes it so hard to get air.  I will have to take my walking indoors, which means Priscilla won't be allowed.... I don't think anyway.  I will have to do some asking around to see if I can take her inside the arena.

I am hoping I can gather some energy tomorrow and maybe go to coffee with Kathie.  Maybe we can find somewhere to walk first.  It is supposed to be 17 degrees tonight, so we can count on it being breath taking cold tomorrow.  I love winter, but every year I have forgotten how hard it is to do anything.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Walnuts and Walking

Just a quick run down.

I have been exhausted all day.  Layla and Priscilla both slept with me last night and they were the only ones sleeping.  I woke up this morning more tired than when I went to bed.

After breakfast we went out to the back deck and attacked the walnut tree again.  We are going to have a bumper crop this year.  I am so glad.  Last year we had hardly any.  This year I won't give them away so easily.  They are so expensive and I use them a lot.

So, then this afternoon-ish (around 12:30) we took Priscilla and Layla to Moore Park  and Bill and Layla looked for drift wood while Priscilla and I walked.  After 3 flops Bill came over and took Priscilla.  She wouldn't get up for me and me standing there watching her rest is not getting my cardio in.  So... I did my 3 laps and we left for Brittney's.

We stayed there for a couple hours then came home and I pretty much melted.

It's early, but I have already taken medication and am heading to bed.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

A day that did my heart good.

I didn't wake up this morning until 9:00.  That doesn't happen very often with me.  Usually like clock work I am up by 7:00, 8:00 at the latest.  I just have been so tired lately.  This morning I was determined to exercise.  I jumped on the trampoline for 20 minutes.  That is the most I have been able to do in months.  I felt pretty good afterwards.  I went and took a long shower while Bill was at the store then when he got home I took Priscilla down to Moore Park for our walk.
I did 1 1/2 laps and decided to sit down and give her a drink of water and let her rest.  She drank and then sprawled out on the grass panting.  After 5 minutes or so we got back up and she walked another half lap and splat!  She was down right on the asphalt pathway and was not getting up with coaxing!  LoL

I just stood there waiting, because there was no way she was getting up.  Every once in a while I would tug on her leash and basically began to drag her.  lol  Now I know where the term "bull" headed comes from.  She is teaching me so much!
We finished our walk and then I drove through the park.  I love, love, love it there this time of year.  The colors against the green luscious grass is just gorgeous!

Now... about 13 years ago give or take a year or so (my mind is jello lately) I joined my business with another here in town.  The woman who owned the other business (we both had property management businesses) and I became friends.  More than friends, she was like the sister I never had.  I loved her.
I won't go into details or fault because that doesn't matter, but we split up abruptly and never spoke again.

Over the years I would see her occasionally and just avoid eye contact.  All the while I missed her terribly.  I hated how we left things, but was too proud or stubborn or afraid of rejection to go see her or make an attempt to get in touch.

Today on the way home from the park, my car took a left and I ended up in her driveway.  I took a deep breath (which is hard to do on O2... a joke!), and walked up to her door.  I stood there for a minute and got the courage to ring the doorbell.
She opened the door, looked for a brief moment to try and grasp the concept of me at her door and we just hugged and cried.

We will have to build back up the trust we once shared so easily, but I am so thankful to have her back in my life.  We exchanged phone #'s again and got in touch on face book and I look forward to reconnecting with her.

I came home tonight and my heart felt good.  What a waste of many years.  I am glad I stopped my car.  I had driven by before, but didn't have the courage to stop.
I love her and have missed her so much.  My mom would be smiling down.

I forgot to mention that Fernando came over 2 days ago and helped Bill get our Christmas lights up.  Now when everyone else is struggling in the cold, we will go plug our in and smile.  :)

That's all I have tonight.  I just had a tremendous day and wanted to share.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Christmas lights and weight loss

Drum Roll please...................... I lost 2.8 pounds.  If you are keeping track that is 4.8 in 6 weeks.  Not exactly on track, but I will take any loss at this point.  My weight loss counter must round up to the next # because it reads 5 pounds.

I had Brittney come over yesterday and take my measurements and I am still pretty close to what I was in August except my hips seem to have a mind of their own?!?!  I will hopefully be able to whittle those down on the trampoline.

We have 2 more days of decent weather, then I am afraid Winter will arrive.  We have had frost already.  Bill (bless his heart) goes out every morning and night and covers and uncovers our tomatoes.  I think by this Friday we will be done with them.  I am enjoying them right down to the last cherry tomato this year.

I have been slicing them in half into a bowl then covering them with (reduced fat) feta and salt and pepper and eating them like desert!  LoL

I did not walk Priscilla today and all day she let me know it.  She would do laps.... up onto the couch and down the other side... out the front door to the gate.... back into the house and up onto the couch and repeat, and repeat, and repeat!!!!

I know now this winter we will have to find somewhere to walk her.  Or get her used to walking on Britt and Fernando's tread mill.  Yeah... she can run the tread mill while Britt and I drink coffee and chat!  lol  I just can never see that happening.

I realized with Priscilla's actions today that tomorrow is a must for a nice long walk.  Our last walk was cut short because of that barking dog and our uphill battle, so she is in need of a good "take the breath out of you walk".
I will walk her downtown tomorrow.  When we walk there she has no grass to lay in until we get half way to the finish line, there she can lay down and rest.  Once she laid down sprawled out on the sidewalk and people just walked around her... when she gets tired no matter where she is she just plops! lol

So, Bill went over today and took all our ladders and helped Fernando put their Christmas lights up.  Tomorrow Fernando is coming here to help Bill with ours.  Britt and I decided (the guys hate it when we "decide" things!) that it would be much easier to put them up now instead of when it is cold, wet and snowing.

It has been another day for me to struggle getting air in.  I am so tired.  It's time to take my meds and call it a night.

Monday, October 17, 2011

A no energy day

I had such a great weekend.  I am afraid today I am paying the price.  I guess even in wellness "nothing is free".  Priscilla and I took off this morning and ran some errands and then came home and I put on a chicken veggie soup to cook all afternoon.  Then we drove down to the lake to walk.  We made it one lap around and some lady came with a little dog that barked and barked and would run up on Priscilla. I got tired of being drug about by Priscilla so we walked across the street and walked through Moore Park.  The only thing about that is it's all uphill.  Not steep, just enough to constantly be walking inclined.  So... I didn't last long.  We walked back across the street and got to the car and drove home.

I was glad I had made soup before we left because I had NO energy to cook dinner later.  I pretty much sat in my chair and watched Bill do chores while I watched T.V..  I think he understands.  I appreciate him picking up my slack.  I would need help if he weren't here.  There are things some days I just can't do.

It really is frustrating.  I try and take it in stride but honestly sometimes I would just like to scream.  It is so frustrating to have the will but not the stamina.
Sometimes I will wake up in the morning and feel like this will be a good day and plan all kinds of little jobs or a nice meal, or grocery shopping.... only later to find out that I can't do anything planned because I don't have the energy or my lungs hurt too bad.

I got home and brought out my trampoline thinking this afternoon I might work up the energy to jump..... I never did.... But Priscilla tried.

Tomorrow is weigh in so I will be back on to post my loss hopefully not a gain.
Until then......................

Sunday, October 16, 2011

I enjoyed a Fall weekend

Saturday I decided I would take charge of the day.  Bill had been working around the house doing projects that we have talked about for a year or more, and I can't do much but clean up and sit on my butt... So...
Saturday I suggested we take Priscilla and go for a walk on the nature trail that we used so much last year.  We got there just early enough for the morning fog to still be laying on the water and it to be cool.  It was beautiful and the smell of nature just made me feel good for the first time in a long time.  Of course, once I got about half way around I needed to stop for a while and rest.  But I loved it.  We left there and went to the Saturday market and strolled through.  This will be the last Saturday market this year.
Of course everyone wants to stop and pet Priscilla and we really don't mind and she LOVES the attention.
While we were talking to one of the vendors I noticed a green pumpkin.  Kind of light green... so I had to buy it.  The lady told me they had a pumpkin patch and gave me a flyer.
Layla was spending Saturday night with us, so I surprised her with a trip to get some pumpkins.

Here are Saturdays pictures....

Then this morning Layla and I took Priscilla to another one of my favorite walks.  We walked along the lake while Layla played on the playground equipment.  It is so peaceful down there and just beautiful.  I really do live in a glorious place.

Priscilla and I walked our 3 laps which is 1.3 miles and then we drove through the park and went back home.  I made it home just in time to lock myself in the house for the rest of the day because neighbors are burning.  I used to love that smell every year.  It always reminded me of cool fall afternoons when everyone was cleaning up their yards.  Now... it is my nemesis.

Here are the pictures of this mornings walk and our beautiful parks.

Beautiful huh?  I just love Fall.  I think Fall and Spring are my favorite times of year.  They both mean change and almost like a fresh start.

I have done better (I hope, these days I never really know) on my eating healthy and I have been walking nearly every day.  I have jumped on my trampoline at least 30 minutes a day.... 15 minutes twice.  It really depends, the days when I walk Priscilla for any length of time I only jump in the mornings.

Any physical exertion takes so much out of me these days.  I just can't do much.  I can really see a change in the last 4 months.  I know I have said that recently, but this decline I can really tell.  Many more declines like this and I'll be chair bound and in those riding carts at the store.  I can barely stand the thought.

I am in NO way giving up and I won't relent easily.  I can just see the down side.  Some days I just take it with a grain of salt, and other days it worries me how fast things are changing.  I feel like I am on a ride and like it or not I will see it through.

I had a great weekend anyway.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Weigh in and walking

Today was my Weight Watchers weigh in.  I gained .4 pounds.  If your keeping track since joining again I have only lost 2 pounds.

I am frustrated.  I am going on my own.  Meaning, I am telling Bill to fend for himself if he doesn't feel like eating my healthy meals.  Lots of ground 97% lean ground turkey, chicken breasts, lean ground beef (4 ounces only) Very little pasta and when I use it, it will be whole grain.  Brown Rice and fresh veggies.  Lots of cauliflower and broccoli, carrots and beets, spinach and cabbage.  Homemade sauces with Olive oil and fresh citrus and sometimes a little honey or balsamic vinegar.  No salt and if I feel the need a small amount of kosher salt (it's larger size and packs more flavor for a smaller amount).  Carb friendly yogurt and sugar free jello.  I found diet hot chocolate for 25 calories and bought fat free low sugar cool whip to top it when I need sweet treats at night.  I am making decaf iced tea now and will work on decaf coffee.
I bought an eggplant for the first time.  I am going to try eggplant Parmesan tomorrow.  I will have to get the recipe offline.

I walked Priscilla again today.  We walked around downtown.  She of course wore her new "hoodie".  So darned cute.

And like me, after our walk she napped for a while.  Actually today I have jumped on my trampoline twice for about a half hour.  I am going to do another 15 minutes before bed.  I so badly want to get back in shape.  I don't want to lose All progress.  Besides all that, if I can just keep busy, even if it's small things I can stay up all day and not sleep the day away taking naps.

More later

Sharecare - Kellie Rice - Transformation Nation

Sharecare - Kellie Rice - Transformation Nation

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Cardiology appointment

I had my appointment with my cardiologist this morning, Brittney went with me.  She is very interested in all this and wants to go in to cardiology or that part of medicine.

No change in medication.  No change in my heart rate.  It was 92 at rest today.  With any exertion it rises quickly.  He wonders if my chest pain may be nerve related in some way.  Having the heart be stressed by damages lungs could send signals to nerves.  These could come on rapidly, last for a while and settle back down again.  That is his guess at this point.

He scheduled me for a echo cardiogram with an ultra sound in March, then I will see him in April.  Unless of course changes need to be made.  So, in the mean time it's business as usual.  See my Primary care Dr. if I need anything and talk to my Pulmonologist for any lung issues.  By the way my P-C-D is going out on maternity leave after my appointment in November.  She is such a great doctor and is so familiar with my life I worry about someone replacing her.

Fall has arrived.  Yesterday it was snowing.  Not much and it didn't stick, but it let us know winter is not long off.  Our night time temps are down in the mid 20's so we cover my poor tomatoes at night and hope they can get a little more color before we bring them in.
I finally packed away all my summer things and had Bill bring up the totes with my winter clothes and coats and boots in them.  I finished getting them all put away today.

We are painting our back porch, mud porch, downstairs entrance ... whatever anyone wants to call it.  We at one point had a olive green kitchen so I sponge painted the walls out there green and white and then stenciled 5 foot tall holly hocks on the wall.  Painting over them was kind of sad.  I don't think I will ever have the stamina or energy to do those stencils again.  They were 3 layer stencils and each one 5 feet tall.
If I can gather up the energy I might do some kind of stencil in black around the wall where it meets the ceiling, and the wall at the bottom where it meets the baseboards.  We (I say we, but I mean Bill) is painting a wooden 3 glass door cabinet the same red that's in our kitchen for a pantry kind of, then he will put two or three shelves over the stairs painted red also.

I think somewhere I mentioned our house was built in the 20's and so there is very little storage and the kitchen is almost the smallest room in the house.  There is barely room for 2 people to work in the kitchen.  Actually one of those people always gets in the way.  During the holidays when I begin to bake I use my dining room table to put out cookies to cool before packaging them. There is just no extra counter space in there.

We keep thinking Bill can sell this house and buy a ranch style 3 bedroom 2 bath attached garage.  This house has been paid off for years, and we live in a desirable neighborhood and have updated the house quite a bit, so he would want to outright purchase the next house to do away with mortgage payments.  I just can't get to so may areas of the house anymore.  We redid the basement a while ago and have a family room there which I can't use.  Our laundry is down there and I can't climb stairs with loads of laundry.  I have a craft area there that I don't use.  We just don't need this big house anymore.  It is 5 bedrooms and we use maybe 3 of them.

Maybe someday.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

I forgot my medications!

I am so tired tonight that this will be really short.

I forgot to take my morning medications.  That is my heart medication, my anti-inflammatory, my depression meds and my aspirin... plus both inhalers, Spiriva and Advair.

This is about the 4th or 5th time I have forgotten to take them.  Also for almost 2 hours today I was without my O2.
Tonight I am feeling the effects of it all.

I can't seem to keep my eyes open, I am just exhausted.  So... I have already taken my night time meds and I will gather up Priscilla and scoot her into bed.

More tomorrow.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

It's Tuesday. That means weigh in

I'll get right to it.  I lost .6 pounds.  At Weight Watchers we say... A loss is a loss no matter how small.  And, that's the truth.  That is what I have to keep remembering.
Obviously it is not what I wanted, but if I am being honest... I didn't do anything to lose weight this week.

Bill and I were busy all day Friday doing one thing or another and Layla spent the night.  Instead of cooking and fretting about what she would eat I (me) suggested Burger King.  We spent Saturday cooking and getting ready for the kids to come over for Ribs and all the fixings on Sunday... so Saturday we went to Papa Murphy's and brought home their Mediterranean pizza with spinach, sun dried tomatoes and goat cheese.  Then of course Sunday I ate Ribs, Baked Beans, Pasta Salad.... and Cake.

hmmm... wonder why I didn't lose more??  Geeze.  LoL
I think it's a good thing I waked Priscilla as much as I did otherwise I would have had a big gain on my record.

I have my appointment Thursday with my Cardiologist and I will talk to him about my energy level.  I am not sure if this is something he would deal with or my Primary Care Dr. or my Pulmonologist?  I never really know whom to talk to about what.

I find it odd that my energy level is so low, yet my heart rate still rests at 100+.  My heart gets going some days so fast that taking deep breaths seems to be the only way to catch up to it, if that makes sense?

Any way.  I am hoping to get back on the right track.  I am hoping I can get back on that trampoline for an hour a day... 15 minutes times 4.  It seems like I can do it.  I may have to work into it.  I know with the winter and cold wet weather coming walking outside will be impossible.

I am just about done canning tomatoes.  With the cold weather here I have picked what I can and will keep them covered at night to try and get the rest to turn.  I struggle every year trying to get them all picked.  Our weather here just doesn't agree with much gardening.

I will try and talk myself into blogging more.  The last couple weeks have been bad for me.  Between my lack of energy, I think losing my 2 friends put me into a bit of depression.  It won't last long, I'll work through it.
My memory issue is becoming a problem.  I am forgetting medications, appointments, messages to Bill or Brittney.  It just seems to leave my head.  Even typing, I will come across a word that I should know and I can sit here for 10 minutes trying to remember what I wanted to say.  Sometimes it comes back, sometimes I need to say it in a different way so I can work around the words I can't seem to come up with.
I know it is frustrating and leaves me feeling useless and embarrassed.  When poor Bill tries to remind me there are times I just begin to cry.  It's like I can't figure out why I don't know these things.
The worse part is I will forget to put on my cannula and sometimes it will take getting a headache or dizzy to remember to put it back on.  At least 5 times a day or more, Bill tells me to go put my O2 on, or will bring me my cannula.
To me it feels like the worst of the side effects are hitting me first.  I don't mean the lung collapse or the wheezing... I mean the chest pain, the heart issues, the memory problems, the lack of energy.  It just seems to have gotten much worse the last 5 months.