‎"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."-Marilyn Monroe

I haven't written in a few days. I am thinking about my upcoming appointments and how the outcomes could change me. I have a bone scan on the 4th. Not so worried about that one, I can amend my diet and take supplements if I need to. Maybe I am being naive', but bones are the last thing on my mind right now.

The 11th I have a consult with the surgeon who will do the biopsy on my Thyroid. It can't happen soon enough for me. I want it fixed. I am not sure what is going on with it but I can tell you I am suffering the side effects.
My hair has changed. All my life I had thick ultra curly and healthy hair. Now it's dull, dry and looks dead and straight. How does that happen? Also I am getting headaches everyday. I am getting cramps running up the back of my neck into my skull behind my ears. So bad that it felt like hands squeezing my head. I was home alone and I kept telling myself that if it didn't go away I was going to see about getting to the hospital in case it may be a aneurysm. I literally was bending upside down trying to stretch out my neck to get it to stop. It was very scary.

I am totally exhausted! Today I got up and got Layla ready for school. I have been keeping her a few nights so Britt can get through finals and get all her written work turned in this week. Bill and I went down to feed our geese and ducks. I was remembering last summer and fall we were there almost everyday. I would take coffee there and after I did my walking we would sit and have coffee and watch the birds. This year I was in our same spot tethered to a purse with a oxygen bottle in it. I walked those same steps as last year only now even with O2 my breaths did not come easy and my pulse soared. We came home and Bill left to go pick up supplies and I went to bed and slept until almost 3:00. That is just not like me. Even if I have the flu I am not one to go to bed. I am just so tired and sore, and I am tired of being tired and sore!

I got side tracked... back to the tests I have ahead of me. Then on the 13th I go back to my Primary Care doc to hopefully hear the results of my echo-cardiogram, and find out what is going on with this racing pulse thing.

I just today figured out I am physically not well. I suppose for the first time it dawned on me that this is the beginning of many Dr.'s appointments and worry about testing, and not feeling well. Like I said before somewhere, I liked it before when I just worried about carrying around O2 and taking my meds. This is my first close encounter with being hospitalized. And, believe me I will fight that tooth and nail. ~~Listen to the tough lady talk! LoL ~~ I am sure just like every other Copd-er I will have my hospitalizations and after a while learn to expect those too.

This disease is unforgiving. It constantly reminds us that we are limited, and just when I start to get used to one level I get slapped down to somewhere lower.