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Saturday, August 28, 2010
Water, Water everywhere!
This is dinner. Whole wheat spaghetti noodles, 3 ounce chicken breast, light Asian salad dressing mix and Chinese noodles with peppers and onions, with salad and YES more water! LoL
My something sweet snack, a green apple and WATER. LoL
My camera seems to want to make everything have a yellow hue?
Anyway, I have had another day to let this transplant talk soak in. I am not so scared of the word anymore. However, I have yet to get online and look around at survival rates or anything.. so there is still time for panic! LOL And, it is still a surreal ending to this trip of mine.
Bill has not once today said this is "such a good thing" which I believe is saving his life! I was about to kill him yesterday.
I realized I am in NO hurry. I have plenty of time. People spend years on the list before they ever get an organ, and some don't make it to transplant. I am moving forward with my diet full force, that is not going to slow me down. However, yesterday I was ready to sell our house and move. Today I understand we have time. I will still get "my house in order" but I don't have to have it done by tomorrow.
I do however need to do a few uncomfortable things pretty soon. One: Make a detailed will. I will not put Brittney through what my brothers and I went through when Mom and Dad died! She has 2 step sisters who have their own mother to get things from. With that said... I will be going over things with her and what she doesn't want the girls are welcome too. I have a TON of stuff and there is no way for Britt or Bill or anyone to take it all. Besides that... what do they say? One mans junk is another mans treasure. I just want Britt to be the one to determine which is which. lol
Another thing I need to do is write an advanced directive. I have tried and thought about it over this last year, I need to just Do It!
I think I have mentioned before that I talk to my big brother once a week. Usually on the weekend, and he has been really concerned/curious over my thyroid and my Dr's appointment. He called today and his daughter is down visiting him from Alaska. He hadn't seen her in 2 years. I know how much he had been looking forward to her visit. He called today and said as kids are kids she is visiting her friends and they will meet for dinner tonight. He then talked about our ancestry which he has been researching a lot of the last 10 years. Then he told me to hang on, his daughter was calling. So, I waited. I knew he would ask about my tests and I wasn't sure how to tell him without bawling like a baby. He got back on the line and said he was going to go meet her soon for dinner. Then asked about my thyroid. I told him I hadn't heard anything yet. Then he asked about my other doctor (the pulmonologist) and I told him to call me after Breanna goes home on Tuesday and we'll talk. I didn't want him to worry or have his mind on anything but his daughter the next couple days.
I wanted so badly to talk to him. To tell him how afraid I was. I hate thinking of other people first! LOL He just has this way of saying what Bill says, only it comes from someone I don't live with so it's different and comforting. Is that crazy?
So I think now everyone else knows about it except my family (minus Bill & Britt).
I was thinking today, this was my weekend with the girls in Bend. Boy would I rather have gone, but I am glad that I did not put off this appointment.
On a lighter side, Layla spent the night last night. I let her stay up with me until I was ready to go to bed and then let her sleep with me. I had been having her sleep in her own room with this oxygen tubing, I didn't want her to get choked in the night.
Last night I tucked it in to the foot of the bed and ran it up by our legs. At one point we got the giggles because she said... "Grandma my toes-es got caught in your hoses." I just cracked up which made her belly laugh... soon Papa came into our room and told us we woke him up and to keep it down, then winked at me and left.
Those are my moments, the ones I cherish and think about when I settle into my pity party. It's really hard feeling sorry for yourself when you have a grandchild around to make you remember what's important.