My curles came back

Suddenly as quickly as they left, they came back.  I have curls again. 

No need this time for captions under the above pictures.  I am meeting my goals and working my cardio up each day a little. 

Again... People who read this without Copd will see those small spaces of time that I exercise and be amazed that's all I can do.  Trust me... more than about 20 minutes and I feel so breathless and my heart is beating so fast that I feel like I could hit the floor.  That's why I am fine getting my cardio workouts throughout the day.  I don't work, and have all the time for it. 

I know I talk about this a lot.  But I visit several different Copd sites, groups and facebook pages.  For the most part "we" are a tough gang.  But, there is an underlying thread ... sometimes very small, but it's still there.
People give up.  They tend to get into a depression and accept that it is because they have Copd and it is a symptom.  It seems they have lost the fight.  I know in the beginning of my diagnoses I read all things negative online.  All the talk about "life expectancy" "quality of life" and STAGES... my god... everyone talks about STAGES.

There comes a time, I don't care how old you are when you find out you have this ugly disease that you have to decide if you want to give up and waste away... because that is easy to do.  Or, to quit becoming everything you read and FIGHT.  And, it is a fight.  I think November of last year I was officially diagnosed so it's been about a year.  I can now tell when my depression is coming.  Yes, I take a anti-depressant everyday ... but that only helps it, it does not take it away.  You have to make yourself be valuable.  And, pull yourself up from those dark moods.

Trust me... I know about the shame of this disease.  After all... we did it to ourselves right?  I see the looks I get with my cannula wrapped around my face.  I am changed.  I am different.  But, I still am alive and I still can do so much. 

I was just like most in the beginning.  I could not get past the STAGES, the LIFE EXPECTANCY.  I focused on it.  I dreamt about it.  I OBSESSED about it.  I couldn't get past it.... until I realized that I was waisting all my time feeling sorry for myself and thinking about only what I couldn't do instead of what I still could do.  I decided to live.

Now I am making up for a year of self loathing.  Depression (at least for me) helped me gain weight and become lethargic.  I quit smoking and gained about 40 pounds. 

I am living proof that someone diagnosed with Severe Copd can move about.  I pack my oxygen canisters with me everywhere I go.  Yes, they get heavy and yes life was easier without them.  But, it is a small price to pay. 
I know with each cold I get that it can turn into pneumonia and it could further damage my lungs.  I know that I am limited to how far and fast I can walk anymore because my heart rate races.  I know I still need to lose weight so my breathing will be better. 
I am not giving up.  I want more than 10 to 15 years.