Nothing that I didn't already know or suspect.

This afternoon I had my 6 month pulmonary appointment.  Every time I have so much anticipation going in to see him.  He is an excellent Dr..  And, I have all the faith in the world in him and putting my future in his hands.

First of all, I had lost 2 pounds.  (only 2 pounds!!) since my last visit with him 6 months ago.  Which means I have gained back at least 7 pounds.  No, No, No!

He did not mention my weight.  He did tell me I looked different, "very different".  I didn't ask if that was good or bad?

After we chatted and I filled him in on my emergency room stays and he looked over all the tests I have had ... he asked me if I have back pain also?  I told him I had back surgery and so yes I have had back pain for years.  Only usually not my upper back.  He ordered a thoracic MRI for me to make sure there is nothing broken, ruptured or out of place.

With that he told me that his plans for me include getting me ready to be accepted for transplant.  I told him I was afraid of surgery.  He said that will be what prolongs my life.  Brittney asked him what he meant by that and he said "she will need surgery to live longer."  I had known for a year or so.  And, I told Bill and Brittney that this was his plan for me, I think that they put it out of their minds.  Even today Brittney skimmed over that conversation and asked him if I wasn't on too many medications.  He said no and not only no but he is increasing my dosage of Advair to 250/50.
He told me to continue to work out but do so with common sense and be gentle to my body.  To listen to it and feel my limitations.  Good advice... hard to practice.

I am thinking that I will go back to Weight Watchers also.  I need that weekly accountability.  I will go back and start using the BodyBugg again and at least log my calories burned and consumed everyday.  I need to get back on schedule, and let Bill and Brittney know during these times I will be taking for me.  I will still utilize Curves and that will help me, especially keeping me flexible and strong if nothing else.

I need to begin drinking water again, and give up baking for a while.  I want to be near my goal of another 25 pounds by February, which is my next appointment with him.  Then I will have another spirometry test.

I will get my body ready for transplant or LVRS, but I will hold off as long as I can.  I am just terrified of having my lungs removed.  I am also just as terrified of having large amounts cut off of them and stapled shut with the hopes that no air will leak and no infection will grab hold.

It's a balancing game.  I cannot wait too long.  I cannot let my body get weakened by infections, or virus's.  I cannot continue on the path of gaining weight.  When the time comes that my body can't do it anymore I need to be prepared both mentally and physically to give my body to the hands of a higher power.  What ever my future will be, will be.

I will again be keeping you posted on my weight and how I am doing exercising.  And, when I gt back to my BodyBugg I will also keep you posted.
Here we go again.