I am too tired to be an all star

I find myself in a new position.  My last "episode" I treated myself at home with medication directed by my doctor.  It seemed to be more intense, and on top of everything throughout the entire 5 or 6 hours I was nauseated and had a terrible headache.

Normally I have done what the doctors ask and take it easy for a week, then resume my normal activities.  Well, this time there are no doctors orders.  There is me and my common sense.  Only this time I feel like my common sense is cowardly and that is not like me.  This time I am afraid to resume normal activity. 

Last Sunday was miserable, tense, uncomfortable, scary... you name it.  I went to Curves yesterday and did my monthly weigh in and measurement.  Well, with all the interruptions this month was a waste.. only not really because I can begin to see definition in my arms and my thighs are smaller, my neck is smaller, and my waist is smaller.  My arms, legs and butt and breasts all got bigger. 

I was talking with the lady who works there and she suggested that instead of 5 days a week, maybe I should try 3 days.  Yep, she is probably right.  That's what they suggested when I first began, but me being me wanted to show everyone I was invincible.  Pffft!  Even my doctor commented on what a example I am.  Yep, keep telling me nice things and I will perform.  I feel like a monkey at the carnival.  Absolutely nothing against the nice people complimenting me and giving me praise on my accomplishments.  I never take that lightly, and appreciate all of that.  I do however realize that I am pushing myself harder than I normally would.

It's a fine line.  I will not give up, but I have to take a step back and be kinder to my body and my lungs.  Overworking and being out of breath to where I am panting... I think on a daily basis takes it out of me and overworks my already stressed lungs, which is probably causing these frequent "episodes".  Can you tell I scared myself? 

Well, I am starting Monday going to Curves .... Monday, Wednesday and Friday.  If I feel up to the task I will get on my trampoline in-between like my doctor suggested.  I am to tired to be the all star anymore .. at least for now.  I just want to work out for brief periods, eat healthy and relax.  Even dusting and vacuuming is exhausting to me.  I am a poor excuse for a wife/partner whatever these days. 

Ughhh... I am not having a positive night.  Sorry.  This is something I will have to work on.  I will not dwell on feeling bad or tired, but I will not pretend that I am invincible.