Weigh in and a life lesson

Today was a busy day, at least for someone who isn't used to doing a lot of running around.  Besides that I am still as tired today as I was yesterday. 

This morning was Weigh In at Weight Watchers.  I gained .6 pounds.  I will try and do better next week. 

I went and tanned and stopped on the way home and filled my vehicle half way up with 45.$  that just amazes me.  Nearly 90$ to fill my tank. 

This afternoon I had an appointment with my favorite doctor.  We mainly went over my heart catheter information and what my cardiologist had said, and the changes to my heart meds.  I am now taking 240 mg in the morning and 120 mg at night.  They're thinking that this way I will have a constant dosage instead of it tapering off by the time I wake up in the morning. 

She (my doctor) told me that it is fact that most events happen from 1:00 a.m. to 3:00 a.m. ... That even most babies are born between those hours also.  A little fact.  LoL  And, when we looked back at my heart "events" they were mainly at night and woke me up, with the exception of the one that I was taken by ambulance for and that started in the early morning and I just waited for the clinic to open. 

I am supposed to watch this heart medication because in order for it to do it's job of lowering my heart rate, it can also lower my blood pressure.  Fix one thing... screw something else up... isn't that what medicine is supposed to do?  lol  You need one medication to fix the side effects of another medication.  Whew!!!  3 years ago I didn't take any medication and now I have a bag full. 

Not long ago I got back in touch with a few people I went to high school with in Anchorage.  It has been 30 years since I had any contact with any of my school friends.  When I moved out of Alaska and married Bill I lost touch with them.  There were a couple girls who I was "best friends" with.  We were really close. 

As we were catching up I mentioned that I had a severe lung disease.  It was almost just "by the way" and I didn't go into gruesome details... I just felt full disclosure was important.  After all, we were best friends with no secrets. 
I haven't heard from either one again and it has been over a month. 

Never did it dawn on me that as hard as it was for my family to get used to, it must be a shocker for a friend who hasn't seen you in a while to come to terms with.  I would hope if that were me I would be supportive and remain friends.  I know here in this blog it's pretty much all about me and my days.  But I promise my life is not at all "all about me"!  I rarely mention it unless I have some worry or something coming up that I want my friends support for.  Even at home with me walking around with tubing on... we don't just sit around and talk about me and my illness.  So, it's not in the fore-front of my mind.  To have someone turn their back on me for being sick shocked me. 

A few friends pointed out that some people have a really hard time knowing what to say.  Well, that's fine.  But, like I said... rarely outside of this blog is it mentioned.  I share my story on a quitting smoking site, and I think it helps some people realize that this could be them.  But for the most part, I am just like any other woman.  I have good days, bad days and always I try to be caring and sensitive to those around me.

Any way... it has really bothered me.  This is one of those times that without notice something has happened that really makes this disease real to me and makes me feel damaged, and different.

As hard as I fight to tan, and have my nails done, and buy flattering clothes, and fix my hair and make up... then to be snubbed because I have a cannula around my face.  OUCH!

Well, I am going to try and not dwell on it.  It is their dilemma not mine.  I am going to focus on me.  A better me. 

All of this and today of all days.... my step father sends me a "request for friends" on face book.  Some where in this blog of mine I have pages about my mom dying and my issues with my step father.  Why today?  I dunno.  I accepted, then had Bill and Brittney mention that it may not even be him, it most likely is my step sister using his account (which she has done several times, even sending emails from his account).  So... I have a feeling someone is on a fact finding mission.  Let them find facts. 

For those friends I had and for my Step father and his off spring... I hold my head high and move forward.  No one can hurt me if I stay true to myself. 

What a day/night.  I am so tired again.  Layla is spending the night so sleeping straight through is unlikely.  It's fine.  If I have to lose sleep I will do it to that beautiful little face. 

More tomorrow.