Tanning beds and 50.00 lotion

I can't seem to get the hang of writing every day.  I have thought about it, but didn't want to use this site as a constant complaint department, but like it or not with emphysema there will be a great deal of complaints.  So, here I am blogging...  I still have my lung pain.  For a long time it was mostly on my left side.  It seems now it has settled into my right side and even my back hurts.  Maybe not even my back but the surrounding area of my lung and rib cage.  With every breath it feels like something is stabbing me. 

Laying down at night isn't good.  Sleeping on my side is about the only way I can get comfortable.  After my meds kick in then I can get onto my back. 

Friday night Layla spent the night and slept with me.  I never sleep well when she sleeps with me only because she wants to snuggle and ends up kneeing me, or flopping a arm up at my face, or throwing a foot over me.  And, she sleeps as hot as a little furnace.  I can't tell her no though.  I love that she loves me and as long as she wants to snuggle I am there!

When I went in and laid down I had that familiar pain in my chest.  I thought it would go away if I could just relax.  I evidently did relax because the next thing I know I am dreaming of it being Christmas and I had a pain in my chest.  I was trying to hide it because I didn't want to ruin every ones Christmas with me going to the hospital.  I awoke  with that terrible pain in my chest.  I sat up and watched T.V. took another muscle relaxer and upped my oxygen for about an hour or so, then went back to sleep.

What this pain is I don't know?  I would swear it was a heart attack.  I know the symptoms are different in women, and I know not all heart attacks are a carbon copy.  It feels like a fist has my heart and is squeezing and twisting it.  I get a terrible headache and I have pain going down my arm.  Yet.. It goes away??  And, then without any notice it comes back. 

I am going tomorrow to see another Cardiologist.  I hope he has news of any kind. 

Tuesday will be a busy day.  Tuesday morning, Weigh In.  It should be alright this week, not a big loss, but I think it will be a loss.  Then at 11:30 I have a tanning appointment, and finally at 2:40 I have an appointment with my favorite Dr. Jennings. 

So... Tanning beds.  I know they still carry harmful rays like the sun does.  I even had a malignant skin cancer on my face, and went through radiation.  I tried the spray tan and am not comfortable with a tan that washes off!  LoL  So, this will be my third trip to the tanning bed.  I figure with good behavior (lol) I have about 15 years (and that's pushing things I believe) so, skin cancer really is the least of my problems. 

So, the first tanning session they put me in the bed for 9 minutes.  The next time I went in I asked about the tanning lotion.  It had been a few years since I used a tanning bed, but I remembered that the lotion is an accelerator and a bronzer.  The last few years when I would get a tan it would be almost red and blotchy, so I wanted one of the bronzers.  I asked for a good product and she handed me this one.  I told her I would pay on the way out.  I went in and used it and really liked it.  It wasn't oily, yet moisturizing, and smelled good... not like coconuts or suntan lotion.

On the way out I got out my credit card and when she brought me my part to sign I said $50.00 really?  lol  She said yes and that's an average price for the lotions.  I guess it had been a few years.  I would had passed out years ago if I paid $50.00 for lotion only to tan. 
Then I thought about it and even my body lotion is 35.00 and that's on sale, so I guess it's not so bad.

Lot's of changes.  Most of them long overdue.  I decided I can hide behind my cannula, or I can be as vibrant as possible with it.  Tanning, hair cuts and make up helps me.  I had always taken pride in myself and not long ago looked in the mirror and was shocked at who was looking back.  I never let my gray show.  I always wore make up, and usually had a tan by working in the yard or swimming in the ocean.  I never had been overweight.  Even when I had Brittney I lost my weight pretty fast. 
So, it has given me a little extra push to keep losing weight and to get toned.  My work outs lately have been maybe a 1/2 hour a day.  I just don't have the stamina to go any further right now. 

This week I am walking a 5k.  I am hoping the weather is nice to us.  I am hoping the air quality will allow me to walk and exert myself.  So, with determination I will walk. 

I will get back here tomorrow after my Cardiologist's appointment and let you know what is said.