Walking into a new and brighter life.

Walking into a new and brighter life.

The healthy me

The healthy me

Finding your way around

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This I know.................

This I know.................

Monday, May 9, 2011

Not all days are 100%

I can't believe I haven't written in 4 days.  I had a couple really good days.  Followed by the last 2 days being very uncomfortable.  The pain which I usually have in my left lung has gone to my right lung with a vengeance.  With every breath I take in the right side of my upper back and shoulder feels like a dull stabbing pain.  Laying down makes it worse.  Sleeping the lat couple nights have been not so good.  About the only way I get comfortable is to sleep on my side with pillows behind me so my back is supported. 

On one of the sites I visit there was a woman who was newly diagnosed.  She wrote a short blog asking for help quitting smoking.  She was afraid and angry and in tears.  It took me flying backward about 2 years to the day I was diagnosed.  Like certain events that happen in history we will never forget... September 11th ... the Space Shuttle explosion.... and being diagnosed with emphysema/copd. 

I went back and was reading some of my early blogs here.  I could hear the fear in my words, I could feel the frustration of not getting answers fast enough.  God, I remember those days.  Laying in bed at night crying and thinking how Brittney would take losing me now.  I spent so much time dwelling on death that I forgot to live. 

I know I have said it a million times ( O.K. maybe only a handful) but with this disease, as bad as it gets... One really has to get on with living.  I have learned to live through the pain.  There are days when I push myself and have learned that only leads to set backs. 

To live life with this disease I must have patience.  I have to take the bad days as they come then realize I will have to take it slow to get back to where I was.  Sometimes I may never quite get back to where I was.  This little procedure they did on my heart, which I was released the same day ...I have not regained strength I had prior to that.  Of course around that time I had that intestinal bug. 

Tomorrow is another weigh in.  Last week was a 5 pound gain.  This week I will have gained also.  I am not going tomorrow.  Well, I should say that.  I will have to see how I sleep tonight.  I am exhausted. 

I started out the week on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday very well.  Keeping track of all I ate and eating plenty of fruits and veggies.  Friday, Saturday and Sunday were days that I didn't plan my meals, I didn't eat like I should and I ate sugar like crazy.  Today again I am back on track.  I want to get back on a schedule.  Working out in the mornings, eating well 3 times a day and snacking on fruits and nuts.  Not eating at night. 

I'll let you know if I go weigh in tomorrow or not.  I really hate not showing up, but this may be one day it wouldn't kill me to miss. 
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