As I live and breathe

As it turned out I slept Wednesday night.  Not entirely all through the night, but from around 11 to 4:30 sleep was easy.  After 4:30 I had to fight for it until I finally gave up at 7:00 and got up.  Last night was a little better.  You know, I used to get up at 6:30 every morning, whether I had anything to do or any where to go.  I enjoyed early mornings.  The house being quiet and I had time to drink coffee and wake up.
Since I have gotten sick I have been used to sleeping at least 10 hours and as long as 12 hours each night.  So... maybe I was just swinging back into a normal rhythm.  I doubt it!  LoL

I think now a good nights sleep happens when I am breathing good and have not had a busy day.  I have found I don't do well with chaos or confusion anymore.  I like things to be planned and calm.  I am not sure why that is?  Maybe my heart rate, or blood pressure.  But, I almost get sick when things get to hectic around me. 

I cleaned house today.  Bill had errands to run and that is my favorite time to clean.  When he is home he is under foot, or I feel guilty about asking him to move while I vacuum or whatever.  Anyway... I really do love cleaning and rearranging things.  I bought 2 new lamp shades yesterday for the lamps in the living room.  The lamps are new .. well, I bought them in December, but I didn't like the barrel shades on them.  The new ones match much better the decor and colors of the house ... Tan and Red.  And, I used one of the barrel shades for my desk lamp. 

I noticed today that I have ALL these wires under my desk from the computer and printer.  Next week Britt has finals then she is off for spring break ... I am waiting patiently so she can come over and give her mama a day and help me.  She is a computer person, I want her to help me tie all the wires together so they aren't such a mess.
Also, I asked her to help me download music and get my IPod set up.  Also, she is going to color my hair.  LoL  She is such a good daughter and is so patient with me.  I have gotten so needy.  It drives me crazy, and she is very good about helping me.

I think I have been doing pretty good as far as losing weight this week.  Last night I had one of those OMG late night eating parties.  I exercised enough (in short spurts) yesterday that it didn't kill my progress.  This morning after my second cup of coffee I pulled out the trampoline and did 42 minutes before I stopped.  Not so bad, and that is the perfect way for me to start my day.  It makes me feel like if I don't do anything else... I accomplished something for the day.  I wish every day were like that, but sadly they are getting fewer and fewer these days.

I have watched myself the last couple months move forward in some areas.... Mainly taking charge of losing weight.... and becoming so dependant in other areas. 

I used to be so independent.  I would get in my car and drive myself or Britt and I2 hours to visit my dad, never giving it a second thought.  I would always be going somewhere, or doing something.  Lately, I will take short trips to the store, but I check EVERYTHING.  Do I have enough O2?  Do I have my rescue inhaler (even though it does little to help)?  Do I have my phone and is it charged in case I need to get a hold of Bill or Britt?  Really, it's silly.  I would NEVER think about taking a trip by myself.  I don't trust that I am capable to be out there alone for that long.

Saying goodbye to that part of me is sad.  I need to look at this as just a new chapter with new challenges.  Where I am lacking now, I will find some other area to excel in.  I feel like I skipped middle age.  I went from the youth of my 30's, and into my 40's that included losing both parents, having back surgeries and spine problems, to being diagnosed with this lung disease. 

I think of my Mom and in her 40's she was conquering the Baja, snorkeling and going on all kinds of adventures.  She moved to Mexico and had the time of her life. 

Maybe if there is such a thing as a second time around ... this next time I will make wise choices and live a long and happy life.