Walking into a new and brighter life.

Walking into a new and brighter life.

The healthy me

The healthy me

Finding your way around

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This I know.................

This I know.................

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Sometime last week I realized the anniversary of mom's death was coming up.  I did my best to forget it.  I don't need to remember this day.  It's 2 years today.
I think of her almost everyday.  There is so much I want to tell her.  There are so many days I just want her to comfort me.  I was the baby of the family and till the day she died I was her baby.  Crap... I just miss her so much.
I didn't get to say goodbye to her.  She was scheduled for heart surgery to repair a leaky valve.  We (Brittney, Layla and I) had planned a trip down to see her in October and we were all going to do a little early Christmas shopping.  So, when her heart surgery was scheduled for the middle of November I asked her if we should cancel and I would just come down for her surgery?  She said no, that my brothers would be there and she wanted a nice visit with her girls.  So we spent a week there in October.  2 days before her heart surgery was scheduled my oldest brother called me and told me that during the night she got up to do something and fell and broke her hip.  The next 3 days he would call and give me updates.  I spoke with her on the phone the first day she was in the hospital.  Finally the 20th Greg told me I may want to get there ASAP ... this was Thanksgiving week traveling and the only flight I could get was the next day getting into Phoenix by 4:00.  I was met at the airport and taken to the hospital by my step brother and step cousin.  As we got to moms room I saw my big brother and step father and they told me the doctor had just went in and I could  see her shortly.  She passed away while I was outside her room.  I didn't get to let her know I was there or to tell her I loved her. 
I won't ever forget how painful and heartbreaking that was.  I was 15 feet from her bed and never got to say goodbye.
Anyway....................
That was 2 years ago and so much has happened since then.  I know she has been with me a few times.  I have such lovely vivid dreams of her. 

This isn't the day I want to remember.  I would much rather spend the time and emotions thinking of her birthdays, or our trips we would take together. 

I already took my nights meds, the earlier I can get to sleep tonight the better I will be. 
Before I go I wanted to fill you in on the "body bugg" diet plan.  I think it will work wonders for me.  It's difficult not to eat carbs, white flour or white sugar.  That doesn't leave much. 

Thanksgiving is coming and we will celebrate the day before with Brittney's boyfriends family at his mothers house.  Then Thanksgiving Bill and I will just hang out ourselves.  Britt has plans and we have most of the time had it be just the two of us. 

I have a Weight Watchers weigh in on Tuesday.  I'll let you know how things go.

Miss you mom! <3
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