Walking into a new and brighter life.

Walking into a new and brighter life.

The healthy me

The healthy me

Finding your way around

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This I know.................

This I know.................

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Life is what we make it

I am done with my thyroid, just to have my follow up appointment on the 3rd ... then that can be behind me. 
I already had my breast issues solved.
I have my heart problem under control.
My depression is being treated and seems to be under control.

I think I am on the mend.  It's onward and upward to transplant.  Or, to the pulmonologist the 15th where I can find out what if anything has been done regarding starting the process of transplant.

Don't misunderstand me.  I know full well this will be a long process and there will be many steps I will have to take.  No skipping ahead either.  It's a very thorough and complete process and it's like that for a reason.  They can leave nothing unturned.  I know and am prepared for waiting. 
Pffttt!  Listen to me... "prepared to wait"... who am I kidding?  LoL  I will pledge to do my best to have patience and let the process take me along for the ride instead of me pushing. 

I am going to ask of my Pulmonologists' nurse ... to call me or email me once a month to let me know if there is any progress.  It will save my nerves and her being bothered by me doing my best not to call 2 or 3 times a month.  One email shouldn't hurt either one of us.  I'll let you know what she says.

I have come home from the hospital having this thyroid surgery feeling new.  Maybe a new outlook?  I dunno.  My surgery was quick.  My incision is great, and fairly painless.  I am still in the 72 hour window and have no need for the pain meds.  I of course won't keep them here, I will take them to the doctor or flush them.  I keep 2 or 3 just in case I ever need them, but will not keep bottles of pain meds around.  And, believe me with each new procedure or trip to the doctor these days I get new pain meds.  Some very strong.  I just do not like to have them around.  I have heard too many stories of friends and friends of friends and even family stealing meds.  If I don't have them around... they can't get into the wrong hands.

I feel lighter.  I feel like now once again I can just concentrate on my Copd and to me that's easier than worrying about all these other medical issues.  Something to focus on.  Being healthy, staying healthy, avoiding colds/flu.  Watching big crowds in stores for germs.  Using more sanitizing gel that I ever thought was possible.  I am back on the diet.  I took 2 days off to baby or pamper myself after surgery.  Cheeseburgers and healthy baked fries and all things salty.  Today.. I am back on WW. 
Next Tuesday will be 2 weeks since I last weighed in.   I think my last weight loss was 1.6 pounds.  I would like this one to be better.  I don't know how it will go.  I haven't had bad days, I haven't pigged out on anything, so I should be good. 

You know, it's one thing to diet and have ups and downs each week.  It's another thing to be accountable to a public blog about my successes and failures.  And, there have been failures.  I need to keep remembering the ultimate goal.  The "T" word.  I need to be at a average weight for my height and that is going to be a considerable weight loss.

I told Bill it feels nice to just be a Copd sufferer.  I know what to expect, what to watch for.  I can tell good days and when bad ones are coming.  Once in a while a bad day or period will sneak up on me, but if I listen to my body closely I can tell what's coming.

Right now it's feeling relieved to have the hospital behind me.  To have normal Doctor appointments and every 3 months the pulmonologist visit.  I don't feel so damaged.  There for a while I was used goods, damaged material.  I am coming back from that. 
My hair is still straight and lifeless.  I still have some dark circles under my eyes.  I still have a cannula around my face. 
But, I can color my hair ... And, I can wear make up to hide dark circles.
I can try and be better about napping and sleeping.  When I am tired, sleep... how easy is that?  As it turns out... not so easy.  I am not a very good napper.

I talked to a woman today who is struggling with Copd.  Her family is not supportive and I can't imagine how hard that would make things.  She seemed focused on the bad.  I suppose I was to in the beginning.  Obsessed with "what stage" you're in?  Or, what is your FEV1 level?  Or, what is "life expectancy"?  I tried to tell her to take these moments and LIVE.  Enjoy life.  Look for small things to make you smile, like your grandchild's face, the sun shining through white fluffy clouds, the smell of fall air... anything.  You can find something each day to smile about.  If you are struggling with depression talk to your doctor and find a treatment that works for you.  When I want to get a push forward I go back to the beginning of this blog and read.  I was this woman I spoke to today.  I obsessed with the dark side of Copd.  I couldn't get past it and I waisted so much precious time.  Time I could have been laughing and doing things with my family.  Instead I pushed them away.  I wanted to be alone with this illness. 

Well, when you have loved ones being alone is impossible.  This is a family affair, like it or not.  So, take each day you draw breath and LIVE.  The definition of it may differ day to day or month to month but you can always find something to live for.

I won't waist anymore time dwelling on what might be.  My future is unknown... I can live with that.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kellie Rice...

#1-you are a wonderful person, you are the best!


#2-Taking the time to document everything and add encouragement and strength to others is the most selfless thing I've ever seen! You are a wonderful person, you are the best!

#3-I am so very blessed to know you..I love you!!

Anonymous said...

dang it...this anonymous is Nancy!! lol

Spunkie said...

Hugzzzz you ROCK !!!!!!!!!!!!

linda said...

I have been following and want to say that your attitude is wonderful. As a copd'er I know about the stages of grief when you are first diagnosed. But now that your thyroid is taken care of, you can enjoy life as it comes to you. Bless you.

btw: per my pain doctor, take your unused meds to doctor or pharmacy as they don't want them flushed anymore.

Giulia said...

"When nothing is certain, everything is possible." That's a quote I have stuck on my computer monitor. It helps to remove the fear of the uncertainty of life. Keep that beauty in your heart.

Anonymous said...

Just want to say, PLEASE don't flush your meds...they end up in the water, somewhere, turn them in, don't flush stuff that is bad for you into the stream of life, we don't realize what goes downstream affects the ecosystem...thanks! Savannah