As I live and breathe

I am having those depression moments again.  I am doing my best to talk myself out of it.  I am trying to keep busy, looking ahead to fall and the holidays.  I have been canning ... Salsa, plum sauce and rose hip catsup.  After months of talking about it I finally finished my cookbook and actually have it here to hold it in my hands.  I stenciled the bathroom and bought new curtains for it.  We have had Layla spend the night every Friday, and she always keeps me moving. 
But... I still have that nagging feeling that is weighing down my shoulders and makes it hard to find joy. 

I get so irritated at myself when I start feeling like this.  I really don't have it so bad.  There are plenty who are going through much worse than I am.  I had this pain in my right lung that would come and go.  It has been constant now the last 3 months or so.  So much so that at times breathing feels like I am pushing a hot knife into my chest.  I haven't talked about my emphysema much lately.  It's just a given that I have the disease and all that comes with it.  And, I knew it was only a matter of time before some of the more painful side effects started.  I can't start complaining now.  I know there are much worse times ahead.  So, I may come here and right about how bad I feel, but I can't dwell on it.
It's like early in the diagnoses, I spent so much time feeling sorry for myself and being angry that I waisted quality time.  Time that could have been spent going and seeing things, small things.. like wandering through markets, going to a movie, going for a drive and have lunch along the way.  Just little things that let us get out of the house and see something new.

That will be a goal of mine.  I suppose it's the same goal I have had since last year about this time.