I am having those depression moments again. I am doing my best to talk myself out of it. I am trying to keep busy, looking ahead to fall and the holidays. I have been canning ... Salsa, plum sauce and rose hip catsup. After months of talking about it I finally finished my cookbook and actually have it here to hold it in my hands. I stenciled the bathroom and bought new curtains for it. We have had Layla spend the night every Friday, and she always keeps me moving.
But... I still have that nagging feeling that is weighing down my shoulders and makes it hard to find joy.
I get so irritated at myself when I start feeling like this. I really don't have it so bad. There are plenty who are going through much worse than I am. I had this pain in my right lung that would come and go. It has been constant now the last 3 months or so. So much so that at times breathing feels like I am pushing a hot knife into my chest. I haven't talked about my emphysema much lately. It's just a given that I have the disease and all that comes with it. And, I knew it was only a matter of time before some of the more painful side effects started. I can't start complaining now. I know there are much worse times ahead. So, I may come here and right about how bad I feel, but I can't dwell on it.
It's like early in the diagnoses, I spent so much time feeling sorry for myself and being angry that I waisted quality time. Time that could have been spent going and seeing things, small things.. like wandering through markets, going to a movie, going for a drive and have lunch along the way. Just little things that let us get out of the house and see something new.
That will be a goal of mine. I suppose it's the same goal I have had since last year about this time.
Did you know: Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is our longest word. What does it mean? As i live and breathe. This blog will take you through a journey of two women. The first being weak, sick and dying. The second (and my favorite) being born again with a renewed spirit and the receiver of true Divine healing.
Walking into a new and brighter life.
The healthy me
Finding your way around
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This I know.................
Saturday, October 9, 2010
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