As I live and breathe

Spring fever has hit me. I am sure like everyone else I just want to get out of the house. This has been such a long winter. For weeks I felt like I couldn't go outside, the cold air really bothered me this winter.
So, seeing sunshine and blue sky's just beckon me outside. The last 3 days I opened up all the doors and aired out our house.

Today I hit the kitchen and started doing some spring cleaning. Of course Spring cleaning means these days hot water and a cloth. Anything stronger than soapy water and Bill takes over. I learned my lesson with bleach a few months ago!
I took all the stuff out of the cupboards and washed all the shelves then organized everything and put it back.

We have a 90ish year old house and the kitchen is the smallest room in it. I have to take advantage of every little nook and cranny.

I still seem to be having this lung issue. I had said that I was going to call Monday if it didn't ease up. Well... Silly me! I let this month get away from me. See what happens when my attitude cheers up?!? lol It is almost March and I have an appointment the 1st with my Pulmonologist and another on the 2nd with my Primary Care Doc, and yet one more on the 4th with a Dermatologist. So... I will just give it another week and see how I am feeling. They are so good to me at my Pulm doctor I hate to bother them. They really are awesome and call and check on me and go way above what normal staff does for their patients! I am very lucky to have them.
My doctor cracks up at me (I think he thinks I am wacko ;) ) because when I go in, he'll say... "How are you feeling" and I ALWAYS say... fine. LoL He says... "You don't sound fine" I say... I just don't want to complain... (laughing at how stupid that sounds) he says... "Yes Kellie, but I am your doctor and that's what I get paid for!" lol

So... Now I make a list if I have things I want to bring to his attention. (his idea) That way I won't feel like I am complaining, and I don't forget anything. So... Already for my visit in a week I am making my list. First question are these steroids. Are they working? How long am I going to be on them? Why can't I sleep, is it the steroids? Lung pain? Would pain meds help? I need to let him know I am only taking 1/2 of the dosage for the RLS meds. I think he said that was fine, but I can't remember.
I think he should be pleased that I have (or seem to) come out of the depression I was in. I am sure there are still lingering moments, but I can see a wonderful improvement.

I just can't do stress anymore. It has such a terrible effect on my breathing, heart rate and moods. Honestly I was getting worried about myself. I think I was a moment away from a break down. Just too much had happened in too short of time, and I couldn't process it all.
I had a brief talk with Bill, and let him know I was going to avoid stress, conflict and all that goes with it AT ALL COSTS. I just wanted him to be aware I can't be as involved in our kids problems, our friends issues and he and I were going to HAVE to start working things out, or I was going to check out.

I couldn't go on like we were anymore. He and I are talking now. Brief moments, but we are talking. He is understanding more what I am going through physically, and how my physical limitations are frustrating. It's a delicate balance for him. I need his help, but I need to have my independence also. We'll figure it out with time. At least I am hopeful now. Which, I couldn't say not long ago. We have made huge leaps as far as communicating.
I know part of my problem beside dealing with this lung disease is I am in menopause. I have moods that come from nowhere! YIKES Go figure it would have to be a multiple issue. I couldn't just deal with one thing. LOL
I have heard a saying...... God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Well... The big guy needs to re-evaluate my capabilities. I have been to the edge a few times lately.