As I live and breathe

Did I mention I hate not sleeping?! I finished the last of the steroids two days ago and thought I would automatically start sleeping better. Not so far. The last two night I have had leg cramps. Finally this morning I gave up trying to get back to sleep and just got up at 4:00. Maybe later today I will go in a take a nap. The muscles in my legs are so sore. Moreso my calves and feet, and moreso my left foot and calf. The cramps were terrible... you know the kind you have to get up quickly and hop around. I still am having spasm's in them. Ughh

I forgot to mention a few days ago I told Bill about this blog. He knew I was "blogging" but he didn't know what about, and I am not sure he even knows what a blog is. He doesn't get too involved in the computer stuff. Anyway, I thought since this blog is so personal he had a right to know he would be mentioned from time to time. I told him one of these days I needed to sign on and have him read it. I am not sure if he will or not, but wanted to give him the option. I just didn't want to keep any of this from him.
I haven't mentioned it to Britt, unless she has seen the links and mentions about it on facebook.

Yesterday I mentioned to Bill that I needed to get motivated to walk everyday. It is one of those things I struggle with. Most days, and especially lately my breathing is uncomfortable at best. Add excercise and it increases that. However, I need to move, and the more excercise I can do the better for my lungs, weight loss, and everything else. The doctor explained to me that people with lung disease have problems moving oxygen through their bodies. Excercise helps circulate oxygen. I started out last summer saying I would walk everyday, and I did a pretty good job sticking with it. Winter got here and I quit walking. We found a great place to walk indoors, and yet I havne't been once. I need to set a new goal, instead of everyday... something reasonable to start with... 3 days a week. If I can keep up with that goal then I can aways add days.

It's amazing to me how much my breathing has changed since last June when I quit smoking. It never did get better by the way. The only thing quitting smoking did was get rid of my hacking cough. Sometimes I wonder if my breathing has gotten worse or if I am just not trying to hide it from everyone anymore? When I was smoking and huffing and puffing around trying to keep up with fast walkers or doing any physical activity I would do my best to TRY and hide my gasping for air. LOL I am sure no one was buying my performance.

These days I just don't care. The only thing I still want to hide is myself at night when I go put on the canula and start up the oxygen concentrator. I moved into the guest room and I just don't want anyone to see me with that canula wrapped around my face.
It's one thing have people see me breathing hard, it's something totally different to see me on oxygen. However.... Layla thinks "it's cool". I just remember how powerful that image of both my parents was to see. No matter what the reason, when you see oxygen on someone you just don't forget that image easily. I don't want to be thought of that way. Not yet.
Is that just being vain? I don't think so, and if yes... then so be it.

Well the sun is coming up and I can see that it snowed a few inches last night. So much for my early Sring! I am going to post a few recipes later. Until then....