Walking into a new and brighter life.

Walking into a new and brighter life.

The healthy me

The healthy me

Finding your way around

~*~ You can look on the right hand side of this page and see what the catagories are, or you can just scroll down until you find what you're looking for ~*~ To leave a comment you need to sign up for a google account. It's quick and easy and they expect nothing else from you. LoL

This I know.................

This I know.................

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Bear Claws and Tears

I have been doing better this week (it's only Wednesday!  lol) with my healthy eating.

Well, let me take that back (already) Bill brought home a package of bear claws.  There were 8 in the package, I think I ate 5, maybe 6.  So much for healthy eating.  I am trying to remind him that losing weight for me is not a vanity thing.  It is a have to thing.  In order to have LVRS or transplant I need to be at a healthy weight.  Right now I am not.  So, I asked him nicely if he wants things like that to please feel free... just keep them in his room, or hide them in the back of the frig, at least not right in front for me to see.  I have NO control over things like that.

 I have one day on the trampoline and the other days actively shampooing carpets and unloading boxes of Christmas.

The tree is a goner.  I took my rotating one to Brittney and she has it beautifully decorated in her house.  So, I will be buying a new tree this year.

Layla spent the night last night.  She was such a good girl but it seems she woke up at 4:00 and went and crawled in bed with Papa, so Bill has been up since about 4:30.

Britt called me tonight and told me she got sick this afternoon.  Stomach flu and fever and sore throat.  She was just warning me so I could watch for symptoms and get to the doctor.  Poor thing, I just hate it when she is sick.

Britt told me she is impressed with my immune system.  I really haven't gotten sick often since I was diagnosed.  A few times, but really the doctors are right on top of it.  As soon as I get a sniffle or fever in the blink of an eye I am on anti-biotics and steroids.  Of course I use disinfectant wipes and bleach everywhere.  I am always washing my hands and use a ton of lotion.

I am still struggling to get out of this mood.  I have been spending my nights just heart broken.  I am thinking a lot about mom, anniversaries of death are just terrible.  I always try so hard to forget this, but I can't.  I wonder if it would have be easier if I had gotten to say goodbye?  I just miss her so much.  It took me years to get over the death of my dad.  It was life changing for me.  I got lost for about 3 years.  I didn't know who I was if I wasn't daddy's little "sugar pot".  He always made me feel so special.  It's different with mom.  Maybe because I got sick so soon after her death, that I am dealing with my own mortality too.
It's almost like I am mourning for myself.  I need to snap out of it.  I still am a viable person.  I can do so much.  Sure there are those things that I can't do anymore, but I still have a full life.

I'll work it out.  I think I need to give myself a break, cut Bill some slack and start enjoying Layla more.  That would be an excellent start.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

It’s so lucky for me to find your blog! So great! Just one suggestion: It will be better and easier to follow if your blog can offer rrs subscription service.
My site is about [url=http://cholesteroldiet.blog.fc2blog.net/]Healthy Cholesterol Diets[/url].

Kellie said...

I would love to make it easier to find. If you tell me how to add it, I certainly will.

Glad you're here.

Anonymous said...

tremendous issues here. I?
My travel blog [url=http://50toptraveldestinations.blogspot.com/]Top Travel Destinations[/url].

Anonymous said...

I really liked your blog! It helped me alot… Awesome. Exactly what I was looking for. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Hi, Ms. Kellie...been busy so haven't checked you out in awhile...I stopped weighing myself...used to weigh myself every morning and beat myself up if I gained (and would eat) or "celebrate" my weight loss (by "cutting myself some slack" and eating :)...After all these years, I know what to eat, how to eat, when to eat and why I eat (besides basic life-support :. I LOVE FOOD--love to cook it, share it, and eat it! I thought I had lost some weight (I knew I had, I know how my body feels) and got on the scale yesterday..two pounds lost...happy! Still "overweight", but I love myself just the way I am...it would be great for my back and body if I lost about 20 pounds, but I accept and love myself the way I am...funny...when I do that, and don't hang my self-approval on a number on the scale, I don't eat badly...but I have to say it's a good thing my daughter moved out, with all her cheese and meat:)...I understand temptation...don't like sweet rolls myself, but cheese, well, that's another story :)...
Hugs, Savannah

Kellie said...

My problem Savannah is I seem to be playing this dangerous game with myself. I am not taking this weight loss as seriously as I need to. I HAVE to lose weight so when my breathing reaches it's lowest level (which isn't far off) I am ready for surgery. I am at 196 pounds right now, and that is not near where I need to be for LVRS or Transplant. I need to lose at least another 30 to 40 pounds to be where they want me to be.
Hugs to you... I have missed your messages.

Anonymous said...

I am playing the same game, Kellie, still smoking and with even just 20 pounds "overweight", it is really affecting my health, I work as a caregiver and it is a "physical" job with my current client...my left knee is hurting (I need to carry a 20 lb. cooler up two flights of stairs...if I didn't carry MY extra 20 pounds, how easy it would be)...why do we play these games with ourself? If I find the answer, I will let you know...Savannah...