Times, they are a changin

Yesterday was another one of those really difficult breathing days. I just have had too many and with my Primary Care Doctor out until February I had little choice but to call my Pulmomologist.

I spoke with his nurse (whom is SO good to me) and explained that I had been on a week of antibiotics and prednisone.  Usually at least 2 weeks of both so I thought that was noteworthy.  I mentioned that the clinic had taken Ex-Rays and my left lung looked spotted or shadowed or whatever???

I talked to her about a nebulizer.  I had tried one before after a Spirometry test and it didn't seem to do much.  I asked her if I could try one now that I am having big painful breathing issues.

She told me to come on up and she would give me a machine and a breathing treatment there.  So far I have done 3 treatments yesterday and 3 today and I can tell no difference.
She also made an appointment for me Monday to see the Doctor, but told me if this isn't working to call her.  I will do that tomorrow.  I just wanted to give the machine a chance to work.

I tried today to take Layla and Priscilla walking.  I honestly don't know what I was thinking???  I got about 50 steps from the car with Priscilla and stopped, rested and turned around and got back in the car and came home.

Today also I jumped on the trampoline for 10 minutes and used our "shaker" thingy for 10 minutes.

Tonight my chest hurts, my lungs are tight, and I cannot get air in or out.  My medications aren't working and I don't know what to do other than medicate and try and fall asleep.  That is what happens when things get painful.  I medicate and sleep.  Some life huh?!  Sorry, it's just getting very frustrating to try so hard to get into some kind of rhythm only to be knocked down and the only way out is to drug myself.

Yesterday I talked to Bill and told him I didn't want him to judge me..... but..... there are some times when my chest hurts so bad and my breathing is just terrible that instead of taking my anxiety medication, I would just like to go to the hospital.  Even if it means spending 5 or 6 hours in the emergency room.  At least there I am on strong enough I.V. drugs that I have a pain # of about 4 instead of 9 or 10.  Just to have relief for a period of time is such a nice change.
He said he understood.  I try and be tough.  I pride myself in not whining, or complaining about how uncomfortable I am or how much pain I am in.  I always have been like that.  It comes from having two older brothers that used to call me a baby or a girl when I would get hurt and cry... so now I can take a hit like a man.  LOL  So... when I tell Bill I sometimes just want to be hooked up to an I.V. he understands.

I am hoping that there is a reason for this.... the inversion layer, the wood smoke from fireplaces, maybe a virus or infection?  I hope this isn't my new normal... because it really will limit me.

Even walking through the stores (which I never had a problem doing because I was hanging onto a cart) now is work.  Hell, even vacuuming leaves me gasping for air.

It's times like this that I am so pissed at myself for letting my smoking get so out of hand that it left me in this condition.

So... I will hopefully be on tomorrow and let you know what the nurse has to say when I call to tell her the nebulizer is not working and what she has planned next.
Until then.........................