As I live and breathe

I've not been here in a week. Yes, Layla and I spent the week together. How did it go? For the most part wonderful. However, it is getting more difficult to do some things alone. Bill has been doing our laundry for quite a while now. Remember, I bitch about it every once in a while? Well, with him gone and a almost 5 year old here, I had to do laundry. I actually can go up and down stairs, you just can't expect ANYTHING from me after I climb back up... at least give me 5 minutes to catch my breath and be able to talk freely without gasping for air. A nearly 5 year old doesn't understand this so much. That was difficult. Also... grocery shopping. Loading her in the car is no problem, walking through the grocery store is not a problem if I go slow. Even loading the car after shopping is not a problem. But, unloading groceries and bringing them into the house is a problem. We had a pretty good week all in all. I was glad to see Britt and Bill come home.

I am still not sleeping. It's been a month or longer now. Last night I slept pretty well. I still wake up and roll around for a while before going back to sleep. My legs have been terrible the last couple weeks, and seem to be getting worse every night. For the last 2 nights I also have had terrible spasm's in my right arm and hand.
The breathing to me seems about the same. Britt and Bill have noticed that I am taking "deep breaths" more. Britt mentioned it the other day. I don't even realize I am doing it. I have just felt like I can't get a good breath in, or I need to slow down my pulse or something. It's odd.

Sadly, Layla and I didn't go walking once while Bill was away. And, sadly or not so sadly... depending on the point of view... I didn't watch what I ate very well the entire week. I am actually fairly sure I gained, probably not a lot..maybe a pound, at the most 2.
With Britt here I decided I would loosely follow the Weight Watchers program and keep measuring myself, keep an eye on my food groups and once a week get on Britt's scale to see how I am doing. I promised myself if I can't do it on my own and if I begin to gain weight I will go back to WW.
I am so hoping the snow quits, the high winds calm down and Spring finally arrives, so I can get back out and walk. I really enjoyed it, and it made me feel like I was taking care of myself.
With no walking, and now especially giving up WW... I feel like I am sliding back into old habits. I Won't Let That Happen!! I promise. I will still come here and be accountable for my weight and exercise. It helps to know I have to be open about my weight issues. It isn't always fun coming here and tattling on myself. It isn't always good for my ego.. but it is necessary.
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Today is the 4th of April, I got distracted and never finished the blog up there. I went to my primary care doctor Friday. She changed all my meds again. I hope these will help. I am now on a new anti-inflammatory, a new restless leg medication and, Yes finally an anti-depressant. She tells me the anti-depressant will also help me with insomnia and if last night was any indication... Yes, they all work better. I actually slept last night.
There was one hitch with the visit though... She had me tracking my blood pressure and pulse rate all month. I did it twice a week on one of those machines at the store. She was happy with the blood pressure, not so happy with the pulse rate. She said she had always assumed that I was just nervous when she took my pulse at her office... not the case... my pulse was once @ 101 and that was the lowest all month. It mostly stayed in the 106 range. The gave me a EKG and it showed 101. They also gave me a chest X-ray and it showed new scarring. I am assuming that is Emphysema progressing... I didn't ask. So, tomorrow I go up to the hospital and have them put a Holter Monitor on me for 24 hours. She mentioned Tachycardia and again.... I didn't ask.

I am almost to the point where I am handling what's wrong at this moment. Anything new and I think I can wait to hear about. It did explain those deep breaths I have been taking. She asked me if I felt like my heart was racing, or if I had heart pain... It sounds stupid... but I honestly can't tell what is heart and what is lung pain, or shortness of breath. She said that is pretty normal. Hmmm :) Imagine that I am almost normal in one area of my life. LoL She did point out to me that I am an interesting patient. That I have very unusual things happening to me at an early age. This is one time in my life I am not trying to be "ahead of the curve".
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So now today is April 5th and I will finish this blog. I just got back from getting wired with this heart device. I'll have it on for 24 hours and the probably a few days before I hear the results. They also did some blood work on me.

I can say here in the privacy of my blog that I am scared and worried about this heart thing. My dad died of a heart attack after years of heart and lung issues. His Dad died of complications of lung disease and heart problems... My Mom died of heart failure after years of lung problems and heart issues. Her mother died of a stroke and heart problems.... my gene pool really stinks. So, to find out I have any heart issue just stuns me! I don't know why I thought I could avoid it, but already? Before I even turn 50? I get the feeling someone up there doesn't want me to be a gray haired old lady. It makes me a little frantic and wanting to cram all life living into a summer! Is that understandable? I just need to remember to breath and take it one day at a time. I swear it's getting more difficult everyday to do that.

I have been around people who whine about illness's and aches and pains. And, I REFUSE to be like that. That's one of the reason's I love this blog. It let's me do a little whining without totally feeling like a loser. It just seems like it is always something.

I'll do better at posting more often. With the girls moving in our routines have been out of whack a little.