Be careful about statements... they only get worse.

Well, my last blog was on the 19th.  In that blog I mentioned I was about as winded as I had ever been.

I am going to have to be careful about those kind of comments.  It can only get worse from here on out.  Today is 6 days later and I have been in bed since about 2:00 this afternoon.  Terrible pain was crushing my chest, mostly on the right side and my back, neck and arms hurt... ached.  To this point in my life today was the hardest it has been to get breath.  The thing it is... or it seems, is... I can take a breath, but it doesn't seem to make it where it needs to go.  I feel starved of air, actually like I am drowning and can't get back to the surface to draw in a good breath.  Today however even drawing in air was difficult.  Bill mentioned that two of our neighbors are burning and that probably it was the smoke and the inversion layer that got me.

I just took my anxiety medication and a couple pain pills and hoped and prayed things would get better.  It is not hours since then and my chest is still tight and breathing is not easy.  However, laying down sometimes is very difficult.  So, even if I am tired laying down is not an option.  Many nights have been spent in my recliner chair.  Doesn't that sound like a terribly old person?!  Jeeze!  I am not 50 yet (still a few months) and I am talking like my grandmother used to.

I have been telling Bill for a week now that it is seeming like I can't get a good breath in.

I am off the antibiotics and steroids and back on my normal medication.  I have been suffering terribly with constipation.  It seems every one of my medications list that as a side effect.  I have been eating raisins, berries, melon, salads and veggies and nothing is moving.  I will wait a few days then start looking for a enema.  Nice subject matter huh?  Sorry, it's just a reality with this illness.

Thanksgiving was lovely.  Brittney and Fernando had it at their house.  Everything was decorated so pretty, and dinner and the company was excellent.
Layla spent the night with Fernando's mom and the kids went Black Friday midnight shopping.

Layla called me this afternoon wanting to spend the night and I had to tell her no.  I hate that.  I hate my breathing issues coming between me and my grandchild.  I told her Saturday she can come spend the day with me and we will do something special.

And since my last blog... an anniversary has past of my mom's death.  I wish I could forget these types of anniversaries and just remember all good things.  The 21st was 4 years.  Right before Thanksgiving.  I remember like it was yesterday.  We spent Thanksgiving day packing her things to ship home and the neighbors brought all of us over Thanksgiving dinner.

She just loved this time of year.  I have all her decorations (or the ones that I could grab and ship) up.  I finally finished my Christmas tree.  Bill put it up one day.  One day I "fluffed" it, the next day I put ribbons on it and the 3rd day I finally got it decorated.  I had asked Britt for help... just unwrapping the ornaments and handing them to me.  But, I don't think she realized I REALLY needed help.

I won't go in to the "I used to" stories.  It just takes so much time for me to do things anymore.  I am still doing them, so I won't complain too much.  It just is frustrating.  Soon it will be time to make cookies and candies and fudge and sweat breads and it will take me many days or a week to do it, instead of a few days.

It's not just that.  It's my memory issues, it's my eyesight failing me quickly, it's my bowels not working, it's my self esteem dipping because I gave away all my fat clothes and now I left with a very small wardrobe, of which I will not buy anything else because I don't want to be like this.

I am not exercising, I am not bouncing or walking.  I just feel like at every turn I am failing.

Note to self.... Make a New Years Resolution list and FOLLOW IT.