I still have not heard anything from my tests. I called on Friday and she told me it should be some time this week. I worried enough waiting for the results of my lung tests and diagnoses... This time it's my heart and I am worried. I have tired all kinds of things to lower my pulse and nothing helps. Those deep breaths I was talking about I figured out are me trying to slow things down a bit. You know that feeling when you get out of breath, or over excited and need to take a breath to slow yourself down? Well, that's how it feels.
I am SO tired all day, but I am sleeping better at night than I have in months! Odd isn't it?
I haven't been watching my weight the last 2 weeks, and I am so dissapointed in myself. I need to get back to lots of veggies and stay away from the carbs.
My diet seems to be the least of my problems. I know the new meds the doctor gave me are doing wonders. I am sleeping at night, my legs aren't bothering me, and my mood has been "leveled" out. I seem more calm, even about explosive issues that we seem to be going through right now.
Bill and I are hanging in there. We have good moments, not exactly total days... but good moments. I feel unimportant. I feel less attractive. I feel like I am not taken seriously anymore. My role in the family has definatley changed and I need to get used to it.
If I say anything to Bill he strikes out at me. Even asking him easy questions like... Burrito or Taco can make him strike out at me. I know he is stressed. Financially we are struggling. We have never struggled before and this is difficult for both of us.
I just want us to get back to being thankful for the time we have. Especially the last week I have been so scared, and suddenly very aware that these conditions I have are the ones that killed my parents.
Bill, who used to pick up on my moods and fears so easily... now is blind to everything.
I get really tired of explaining my need to let the stress and anxiety go and try to be happy and to love each other. Life and all it's struggles don't seem so important to me anymore. If we don't have as much money... we'll survive. If we can't do for our kids like we used to... they will understand. It's just life.... and I want to live a life to remember, not one to forget.
Anyway... It's late and I am going to get ready for bed. I just wanted to stop by and let you all know I am still around.
Did you know: Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is our longest word. What does it mean? As i live and breathe. This blog will take you through a journey of two women. The first being weak, sick and dying. The second (and my favorite) being born again with a renewed spirit and the receiver of true Divine healing.
Walking into a new and brighter life.
The healthy me
This I know.................
5 comments:
You are important and I know that this life isn't all there is..take heart in that fact Kellie!! Love you:)
Seems things are rough now but you keep enjoying each day and Nancy is righ life isn't all there is!!!
HUZZZZZZZZZZ
Bill's reaction is based on fear. The woman is the one who holds the house together emotionally. Your physical struggle and fear about it affects him. And that's the only way he can express it. By striking back. Men ARE from Mars. They react totally differently than us. Just keep loving him and being patient. That's what you're here for.
If my friends only knew how much they have held me together through the last 10 months... well... You do, I couldn't have made it through this without you. I love you all for it. Funny, Friends I have never met have touched me so!
I'm 59 years old and female. I was diagnosed a couple of years ago with COPD and I was beyond scared! My lung function test indicated 49% capacity. After having had flu a year ago, the shortness of breath, coughing and chest pains continued even after being treated with antibiotics. I've been smoking two packs a day for 36 years. Being born without a sternum caused my ribs to be curled in just one inch away from my spine, resulting to underdeveloped lungs. At age 34 I had surgery and it was fixed. Unfortunately my smoking just caused more damage to my already under developed lungs. The problem was having is that I enjoy smoking and don't want to give up! Have tried twice before and nearly went crazy and don't want to go through that again. I saw the fear in my husband and children's eyes when I told them about my condition then they start to find solution on their own to help my condition.I am an 59 now who was diagnose COPD emphysema which I know was from my years of smoking. I started smoking in school when smoking was socially acceptable. I remember when smoking was permitted in hospitals. It was not known then how dangerous cigarettes were for us, and it seemed everybody smoked but i was able to get rid of my COPD lung condition through the help of total cure herbal foundation my husband bought, totalcureherbsfoundation .c om has the right herbal formula to help you get rid and repair any lung conditions and cure you totally with their natural organic herbs,it class products at affordable prices. Purchase these medicines and get the generic medicines delivered in USA, UK & Australia,I wish anybody who starts smoking at a young age would realize what will eventually happen to their bodies if they continue that vile habit throughout their life.
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