I heard the word TERMINAL for the first time

Yesterday I went to my appointment at the HUD office.  She told me that with the economy the way it is they are taking very few new cases.  Then she looked at my oxygen and asked if I "was terminal"?  I have never thought of that.  That word never crossed my mind.  I said I honestly don't know, my condition is non reversable and progressive.  She asked if she could call my dr. and I gave her my pulmonologist's # and who to speak with.

She told me that if I am terminal my name will go to the front of the list when they start new vouchers.

After we (my friend went with me) left I took Kathie home, then went to my doctor.  I asked to speak to his assistant... she is who I usually see unless there are decisions to be made, or an exam to be done.  I asked her if we could go into a private room.  I told her that I was leaving my marriage and that I had to been to HUD and what the worker had asked me.  She said.... I will talk to the doctor to make sure but Kellie.. "Of course you are".

It just made a difficult day frightening.  TERMINAL!  wow!

We had Layla here tonight so Britt could study for some tests and she seems to be doing fine.  I think it helped her seeing us together. I started today going through closets and separating things... his bedding, my bedding... my paperwork out of the filing cabinet/ his paperwork.  If I just do it little by little then what either of us or Brittney doesn't want I will sell.  I may get a storage for a little while until I figure out what size place I will end up with.

So far Bill and I are doing fine.  There has been a few uncomfortable situations, but for the most part life is going on as usual, which is good, but troubling.  I don't want to give him the idea that things can go back to the way they were.

I am not strong enough to live with someone who doubts my illness, who blames me for being sick and who at times just wants to pick a fight.  Between my breathing issues when I get upset and my anxiety it has been bad.