A note to self

I just wanted to note to myself for my doctors visits......

For the last 2 1/2 weeks or more (months I think, but getting worse) I have had leg cramps, feet cramps, toe cramps... and cramps in my neck and shoulder that wake me up at least 10 or more times a night.  I have to jump up from bed and walk around, or jump up and down, or stretch my feet, or bend and stretch my neck and shoulder.  It wakes me up before... I can tell by the movement of my foot or neck that it is coming quickly and soon I will have to get up and move.

I have tried and am still eating 2 banana's a day.  I have began to drink many ounces of water a day.  It happens if I have been up walking through the store all day, or at home standing in front of the counter cooking, or just sitting in my chair all day.  So... there is no pattern to it.

I also think that because of my lack of exercise my back is beginning to bother me more.  I have pain meds and take the prescribed amount... but they are just not working.  I have noticed my back laying in bed starts to hurt and I am constantly moving around all night.
My restless leg syndrome is getting worse, or the medicine has outlived it's usefulness.

My breathing has not improved at all.  My lungs feel so tight.  It is hard to get air out at all.  It seems I can breathe in alright, well I still can't take a deep breath in all the way... but getting air out seems impossible.

I have been getting dizzy spells, sitting or standing up.  My memory issues still are concerning to me.  Bill swears I use it to my advantage, but it's bothersome and scary to me at times.  I would swear my life I hadn't said something, or done something... and Bill tells me different.

I need to keep notes on the things that are bothering me, wrong with me, are ailing me... for when I see my primary doctor again.  She is coming back to practice at the end of the month.

I am going through the phase where I am sick and tired of this.  It makes me selfish.  I get so wrapped up in just getting through the day that I neglect my friends and family.  I am normally not a selfish person.
I just want to scream at times.
Bill and I have been struggling again.  For no apparent reason, other than I think he needs a break as a caregiver.  I have been trying to talk him into going and visiting a friend, or his daughters, do some golfing... or just hang out.
He told me today or yesterday that I couldn't take care of myself anymore.  That may be true... but I didn't want to hear it.
It is just a reminder of how much ability I have lost.

There are days when I go to the store, where I actually glance over at those carts.  I swear I will not get in one.  I will stay home first.

I have an appointment in February with my Pulmonologist and they will run their tests to see how my breathing is doing.  It's called an FEV1 test.  And the number will tell them if this is progressing and what the next steps will be.

I also in February will turn 50.  My god, look at what has become of me!