Walking into a new and brighter life.

Walking into a new and brighter life.

The healthy me

The healthy me

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This I know.................

This I know.................

Monday, April 12, 2010

Family History

I had a long talk with my big brother a few nights ago. I feel really bad for him. He used to call mom religiously every Sunday and they would spend an hour or so talking. So, now he calls me. I look forward to every call we share. It's not always every week, and it's usually not Sundays... but we talk much more now than we used to.
I need him to step in and be Mom and Dad's voice once in a while too. It's nice to be there for each other.

Anyway this chat I decided to use his memory since mine is so bad lately and find out what he knew about our family illness's. I think I knew as much as he did, but didn't want to think about it.

I was most curious about time lines. My dad's mom died of complications of a stroke. Her husband (my grandfather) died of heart disease and lung damage. My dad had 1 entire lung removed from lung disease and then 5 years before he died he had another 1/2 of the one left removed. He had a heart attack and had a defibrillator (pace maker) put in about 2 years before he died. He was on oxygen for about 5 years before he finally died of a heart attack.

My Mom's father died of emphysema, I can't recall if he was on oxygen. I know he smoked up until the day he died. His wife (my grandmother) had diabetes and ended up dying during a heart surgery. My mom had suffered for years with a leaky heart valve. She dodged surgery for years. Her lungs were also bad from smoking although she would never admit it, and snuck cigarettes right up to the time she died. She was diagnosed a year prior to her death with Micro-bacterium Gordonae.... A lung disorder similar to Tuberculosis. It is very rare and from what I understood the meds are just as damaging as the disease... Causing blindness, foot swelling, kidney failure, and the list goes on. I remember her being put on oxygen at different times over the 5 years preceding her death. She ended up being scheduled for heart valve surgery (for the leaky valve) and days prior to her surgery she fell and broke her hip. She had hip surgery and never recovered from it. Over the years though she had many stints put in due to clogged veins.

This is my newest realization. People tell me you can get better from this disease.
They say "this is not a death sentence". Hmmmm.
I know my family history. I can look back and with truth and assurance tell you within 5 or 10 years of being put on oxygen both my parents died from complications from lung disease... but eventually died of heart problems.

I have Severe Emphysema/Copd and now have been told I have Tachycardia... I am on oxygen. If you were in my shoes.... Would you not think of death? Would you not see your years numbered? Wouldn't you want to live every moment happy and not fretting the pissy stuff?

I am scared, but I am determined one way or another... I am going to get through this with dignity and grace. I am going to be happy if it kills someone! LoL

5 comments:

Spunkie said...

Your the best and yes I would live every day to the fullest we all should .. I think it is good you know you family history just do not let that define YOU ... My mother died at 47 and when I reached that age I was sure it would be my end because I had everthing like she did but I quit work and took care of myself 10 years ago and now I am 62 never dreamed I would get here but I did with the help of my friends ... YOU GO GIRL !!!!!!!!!!!!! HUZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Spunkie said...

Kellie that comment from r.haupt is me Spunkie I should have signed it... I can't sign on to Friends helping Friends says account disabled I contacted Sandi on Facebook and hope she can get me in. Keep Blogging you are STRONG

Giulia said...

I've been dwelling in areas of my life that make me sad of late. I have determined and once again recognized (a lesson ever re-occurring) that where we place our thoughts - there we be. So I suggest that you place your thoughts elsewhere. Dwell not on the negatives, rather seek very hard, the positives. Or, to put it in today's vernacular "don't go there..." Sometimes the positives are very hard to come by. Then work toward them, I say. You are dwelling on comparisons between your parent's health and yours. Don't do that. What WAS so, does not necessarily have to repeat itself. Toss that thinking, and find a new one. I speak from my own search and from a recent attitude check. Bend toward the positives like a flower to the sun. Shun the negatives in the same way we say NO to the smoke demon who whispers in our ears. Sending love, Kellie.

Unknown said...

Giulia,

I know what you are saying. I think in one of these blogs I even wrote something similar. I have to keep reminding myself that I have to seize the good days and try and forget the bad.

It is so easy to slide back to negative thinking, just one new thing, just one bad report and "there I go again". It seems to be one of my biggest challenges, this staying positive thing! I am learning, but I have to tell you it's not easy.

It's a work in progress. LoL

Giulia said...

Indeed. I'm constantly reminded that our lives ARE works in progress. Simply that. We do the best we can, we learn, we grow. We forget what we've learned and have to learn it all over again. I think (hope) eventually we stop having to learn the old lessons over and over and go on to new ones. And also hope that some day we get to the spiritual point of wisdom whereby we only need to learn a lesson ONCE. Though perhaps that only comes after a lifetime of living through all our mistakes.

I know it's not easy. The "staying positive thing" IS our biggest challenge. It's easy to be negative, that seems to come naturally to most of us humans. That's why I think we need constant attitude checks and adjustments. It's the extraordinary ones who seem gleeful all day long. (And that's why they're on the talk/lecture circuit making a fortune!) For most of the rest of us we have to FIGHT for the positives. I'm beginning to think it's a daily discipline that needs to be adhered to. Like a healthy diet and exercise.

Thanks for stimulating my brain.