Family History

I had a long talk with my big brother a few nights ago. I feel really bad for him. He used to call mom religiously every Sunday and they would spend an hour or so talking. So, now he calls me. I look forward to every call we share. It's not always every week, and it's usually not Sundays... but we talk much more now than we used to.
I need him to step in and be Mom and Dad's voice once in a while too. It's nice to be there for each other.

Anyway this chat I decided to use his memory since mine is so bad lately and find out what he knew about our family illness's. I think I knew as much as he did, but didn't want to think about it.

I was most curious about time lines. My dad's mom died of complications of a stroke. Her husband (my grandfather) died of heart disease and lung damage. My dad had 1 entire lung removed from lung disease and then 5 years before he died he had another 1/2 of the one left removed. He had a heart attack and had a defibrillator (pace maker) put in about 2 years before he died. He was on oxygen for about 5 years before he finally died of a heart attack.

My Mom's father died of emphysema, I can't recall if he was on oxygen. I know he smoked up until the day he died. His wife (my grandmother) had diabetes and ended up dying during a heart surgery. My mom had suffered for years with a leaky heart valve. She dodged surgery for years. Her lungs were also bad from smoking although she would never admit it, and snuck cigarettes right up to the time she died. She was diagnosed a year prior to her death with Micro-bacterium Gordonae.... A lung disorder similar to Tuberculosis. It is very rare and from what I understood the meds are just as damaging as the disease... Causing blindness, foot swelling, kidney failure, and the list goes on. I remember her being put on oxygen at different times over the 5 years preceding her death. She ended up being scheduled for heart valve surgery (for the leaky valve) and days prior to her surgery she fell and broke her hip. She had hip surgery and never recovered from it. Over the years though she had many stints put in due to clogged veins.

This is my newest realization. People tell me you can get better from this disease.
They say "this is not a death sentence". Hmmmm.
I know my family history. I can look back and with truth and assurance tell you within 5 or 10 years of being put on oxygen both my parents died from complications from lung disease... but eventually died of heart problems.

I have Severe Emphysema/Copd and now have been told I have Tachycardia... I am on oxygen. If you were in my shoes.... Would you not think of death? Would you not see your years numbered? Wouldn't you want to live every moment happy and not fretting the pissy stuff?

I am scared, but I am determined one way or another... I am going to get through this with dignity and grace. I am going to be happy if it kills someone! LoL