More concerns

Today was my Thyroid Ultra Sound.  Bill was to go with me, but remember a call he needed to make so he couldn't make it.  This seems to be a pattern where my doctors visits are concerned.  I want him to be involved, to hear the steps I need to take, to hear the shape I am in, to know what to avoid and what is expected of me.

Any way... the Ultra Sound.  During the ultra sound the tech found a small nodule on the upper right side of my throat/thyroid.  She also found calcification in the middle of the band in the center of my throat.  She also found my lymph nodes enlarged.  What does this mean?????  That IS the question of the day!  She couldn't tell me.  She said my doctor would have the results this afternoon.

Of course me being a curious one...(not such a good trait at times) I got online and Googled "Thyroid Ultra Sounds/nodule/enlarged lymph nodes.  NEVER DO THAT!!!  Of course every article I found scared me.  And, Bill is sick and has been in bed since the afternoon... so I sit here concerned and trying so hard not to be.

It just seems like ONE MORE THING.  How many times do I need to say  ONE MORE THING?  It seems like for the last 3 years I have had to deal with just one more thing.  I am tired of things.  I am tired of worrying, not sleeping, being preoccupied and missing out on chances for happiness because I am so preoccupied with sickness.

I will wait patiently for my doctor to notify me of my Thyroid results and the outcome from talking to my Gynecologist.  I am going to practice patience.  I haven't had them so far, so we'll see how that goes.


I had a friend who I met on BecomeAnEx.org (the best quit smoking site there is) introduce me (through Face Book) with a man that has had a Lung Volume Reduction Surgery at University of Washington.  It has been about a year and a half he said.  He was not on oxygen prior to surgery and his oxygen saturation level was better than mine.  But he said he is doing fine.  That the doctors told him the surgery is not life saving but prolonging.  And, there could still be transplant in his future when the time comes.


This all makes me just want to get to Stanford and talk to the doctors, go through their testing and be reassured that my fears are viable and can be set to rest somewhat.  By knowing about small things like housing, traveling expenses, family accommodations.  All these things are things I worry about on top of the medical aspect.

I just feel odd tonight.  Like there is nothing I can do to settle myself.  I tried playing Face Book games, playing with Priscilla, talking to friends.  Nothing.  I came here to blog which usually lets me get out my feelings, frustrations and fears ... tonight not so much.