Just Breathe

I have nearly quit feeling sorry for myself.  Why do I feel the need to have these days.... I do not know?  I am beginning to feel more frightened and worried.  I assume this is normal when having your lungs removed from your body is in your future.  The thought of that just seems like death to me.  I don't mean to be graphic but that's the picture in my head.

I did not sleep through the night after hearing the news until Sunday, my mind just would not turn off.  I wondered about leaving Bill and Brittney and how they will get along.  I know Bill will be fine, lonely but fine.  But, I worry so about Brittney because we are so close.  And, Layla too.  She is at the age where she will miss me.  This is all I thought about the next 2 or 3 days. Well, today is Tuesday.  It's been 5 days since my Dr.'s appointment and I am O.K.

I have been reading all the information that was sent home with me and have found out that once approved and listed I need to be ready for surgery.  Makes perfect sense.  My body needs to be free of infection and healed from any surgeries.

Well... I had went to the Gynecologist which referred me to a Urologist to have testing done on why I am leaking urine?  My Urologists appointment was today but I canceled it because of our recent snow and I am sick again.  I have rattling in my lungs and a fever then the chills, and green sputum coming up when I can cough something up.
So... I am back once again on Prednisone and a Z-pack.

I got off track there for a minute.  lol
Back to the Gynecologist and Urologist.... I initially went to the Gynecologist because of leaking urine, he wanted a ultra sound done which found my Uterus is almost double in size and I have a 8.2 cm fibroid tumor that is growing on it.  He talked of a hysterectomy to remove my Uterus and the tumor... but first wanted a Urologist to do a specific test to see about my urine leakage.

Well, when I called the Urologist to reschedule the person on the phone told me I could get in March 5th, but it would not be for the test, just a consultation first then he would schedule the test for a later date.  This could be one to two months down the road... then to send the test back to my Gynecologist, have him look it over and then make an appointment with me to discuss it... then to schedule the surgery either here or in Medford which would be another 1 to two months.  So...
I called my Gyno yesterday and of course I couldn't speak to him, I spoke with his nurse.  I tried to explain to her that YES, I initially came to him for bladder leakage, but now I am willing to live with that and now I need to have the hysterectomy ASAP.
I explained to her about going to Stanford within the next 4 months and prior to going I need ALL surgeries done and to be 100% healed.  That they do not like to do surgeries after transplant because of the anti-rejection medications and the risk of infections.
She kept telling me she would talk to the Dr. and call me back.  Finally she said that the doctor would talk to my Pulmonologist and get back to me.

Today I talked to my Pulmo's nurse (whom I adore) and she said she agreed with me.  That the urine leakage is not convenient but not life threatening, and I could deal with that... but the fibroid tumor growing on an enlarged Uterus is something that needs attention.

So, I called my trusty Primary Doctor and when she called back I explained to her about everything.  She said she would act as my liaison between all my doctors and try and get these things, including my thyroid done quickly and she would get back to me next week.
Whew!!!!!!!

I have decided since talking to a friend who is in North Carolina at Duke University waiting to be listed that I will feel more comfortable with all this after I can get to Stanford and talk to the doctors and staff about what will happen.  There is just so much unknown right now.

I have developed a decent attitude.  I am just throwing my arms up in the air and letting things go as they will.  I have no control now.  I put everything up to my doctors.

I can report that I am still losing weight.  I am down to 190.4  I feel like I am losing more inches than weight.  I am happy with my progress anyway.  I feel confident that I can reach my goal of 175 by June.  Hopefully more.

Well, I am tired, my meds are taken... my eyes are getting droopy and I feel like my eyes look.  More later.