Another update. File on it's way to Stanford

So, life has gone on as usual.  Me going to Dr. appointments and always waiting for answers which seem like they never come when they are promised.

I am just very frustrated.

My last Pulmonology appointment the respiratory therapist told me I should hear from Stanford within 2 weeks of them getting my file.  I even asked again if it would be 2 weeks?  Or should I be more realistic and think about a month or so?  No... she said 2 weeks.  That was on the 4th.  Today is the 9th and she just called this afternoon and told me she just sent my file, so I should hear from them soon.

I have seen the Urologist like everyone wanted me to, and he told me what I have is a large tumor 4-5 pounds pressing on my bladder and has been there growing along with my symptoms for 5 years or so.  It needs to be removed along with my uterus.  To do that and put me on Vesicare my urine leakage problem will be solved.

I went yesterday for blood work at the hospital and today I went in for a contrast CT scan of my thyroid which she described as several small goiters.  Goiters?  Really?  First I had heard of that.  Anyway, who knows what will come from this.

My daughters best friend since grade school (who is like my own daughter) works at a mortuary.  Actually Brittney just went to work there part time in sales to make some $$ while still going to school full time.  Any way, they both came over yesterday and I bought a cremation package from them and bought a plot for Bill and I.

I have written my will and had it notarized.  I have my advanced directive in place and my life insurance policies paid up.

I am remaining positive.  I know it sounds like I am getting everything in order for me not to come home from surgery.  Nope.  I just want to have everything in order so I will have no worries.  I have lost both parents and both times had my step mother and father steal everything from me and my brothers.  My parents weren't prepared at all, had nothing in writing and their wills were a joke.  So... I am just being careful.

I have felt TERRIBLE the last week.  Every since I had that lung infection (I am still on the steroids from then) I have had that pain in my chest terribly.  And, the last 2 days my normally on the high side blood pressure has been really low.  I have cold sweats, then get freezing and then hot.  My hands shake so bad I have to be careful when I pour things so I won't spill.  

Today I actually was relieved to hear my file will be looked at next week at Stanford.  Like I said though I still have no delusions that I will hear from them soon.  If I hear within a month, I will be o.k..  Until you have been the one waiting and waiting to be seen and evaluated and hopefully be made better... you really don't know how exasperating it is and how it takes all your energy just to wait for something that your not even sure what it is.

It's getting to the point where I am taking my meds and going to bed earlier and earlier so I can just get another day past.  Pretty sad isn't it?!  I should be doing all I can to enjoy these last few days prior to surgery.

There are so many unknowns I can't even think about them anymore.  I will get my answers when I get there and have no choice but to be patient until them.  I have to let Bill and Brittney do some of the worrying about our house and dogs.  I want to focus on surgery, therapy, and healing.

As always I will keep you updated.